If It Was All A Loss

If it was all a loss, it was SO worth it
7,333 kilometers almost 2 years later,
If I would have known, I would have not come, but I did not know.....
It was worth to kill the curiosity of my other cultural half,
It was SO worth it just to see her hope filled smile....
It as SO worth it, to get lost in his beautiful blue-green Baltic Sea glass eyes
It was worth every laugh, every tear, every scar, every painful moment,
to walk in the shoes of my own flesh and blood,
to feel how they really feel,
to see life truly through their eyes....
If it was all a loss...
it was the most beautiful one of my life...
A moment so perfectly intricately interwoven in time with its aurora of nature, scenery, building, people and plots,
a rare glimpse of a unique abstract of life,
that chose only a few people to reveal itself to,
One can only understand if having spiritually and physically been in that breathe of a moment...
If it was truly all a loss,
thank you dearest Jesus for this inspiring tragedy of creative captivity....<3 

Lost in His Loving Arms

Today, it finally hit me,
as I was walking through the most painful ice piercing unpleasant wind, under the grayest saddest mid-autumn sky.....
what I should have realized many long years ago,
As I found myself lost in the cursed and blessed identity of "Lithuanian American" or whatever that means....it  doesn't matter anymore.
The simple truth was finally revealed to me
As I look back on my life, I realized that I never necessarily fit in anywhere. There always seemed to  be that part of me that was missing, lost in another world, another time, another indescribable hidden place.
As I continued to look back on my short lived life of 21 years,
realizing all the cultures of people I found myself in,
all the countries visited,
and experiences gone through,
I feel so blessed to have looked into each of their beautiful eyes......
Oh how I will never forget those forever gone precious moments,
held close to my heart into the vastness of eternity........
I cannot believe it took well over 60,000 kilometers of endless wanderings for my heart to realize,
it wasn't found in the church,
it wasn't found on that worship team,
it wasn't found in that supposed christian organization,
it wasn't found in that band,
it wasn't found in that musician,
it wasn't found in that interpretation of art,
it wasn't found in a certain style,
It was DEFINITELY not found in the American identity,
to bloody hell with the supposed Lithuanian identity,
You know where I found this  missing part?
All along, I was meant to be lost in Jesus loving arms,
His most Holy, sweet, warm, welcoming, loving, peaceful, and inspiring embrace.....

Oh foolish child, I say to the breathless wind, why so long to realize  your heart's passion ?

My Apology

I'm sorry that I was never enough for you
I'm sorry that I was not all that you dreamed that I would be
I'm sorry that I disappointed you
I'm sorry I left you hanging in the Eastern European cold
I do not know if I will ever be able to forgive myself
I remember those days where it used to be so exciting to meet the entire world
So absolutely, utterly artistically inspiring,
I don't know what happened,
maybe it was the country,
maybe it was the climate,
maybe it was the realization that I would never fit in to the flesh and blood of my past.
Maybe it was the haunting emotionless, lifeless dead expression on the faces
Maybe it was depression,
Maybe it was the sensing that the presence of God was not strongly felt since walking the soil,
I question why,
Why all this struggle, pain, to seemingly satisfy a curiosity that costed one's life?
Indeed the sacrifice was too great.
But one cannot turn back the clock,
The reality of life pierces my heart like the sharpest sword,
but I hope one day you can find the strength forgive me,
This season of life is so short,
right now it seems like the darkest abyss,
but oh, what a  mere breath of life,
it  shall pass, like an intricate white feather from a dove, dancing in the golden sea sunset...absolutely free....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHNTKWK4Lx4

Emerald Green

Today I was reminded of how much I miss you

How I once forsook and disowned you

And left you standing there with tears in your eyes 

After Ieft you, I realized the beauty you possesed

You were a treasure in my heart that I kissed goodbye

As the years passed, I came across the ashes of my childhood love

You were withered and torn...and scarred....

Oh, what a foolish child I was,

To forget you and leave you like this.....

The Day I Died in Search of You

A poetic interpretation of an experience that forever altered my perspective on life.


There once was light......and there was darkness.........
and they somehow found themselves at war with each other......
The darkness evily smiled, blood dripping from it's lips like a venomous snake, the scales on its eyes blinded it from reality, as it's eyes rolled into the back of it's head revealing a tormented soul.......
the power of darkness slyly spoke...
"you are WORTHLESS"
"you're not smart"
" you will NEVER be good enough"
"just look at you, you're such a HUGE FAILURE"
"you have no power to change the world, you're stuck.....with no way out"
"All your hard efforts mean NOTHING"
"Everything you do is WRONG, it's BAD"
"DISCOURAGED?..Perfect........die in it....."

As light sat there and watched this horror unfold before her eyes, she confidently proclaimed back,
these young people before me,
They are all dearly loved PRECIOUS CHILDREN OF GOD,
They are SO WORTH IT in My eyes,
They have SO MUCH POTENTIAL to change the world and make it brighter, full of laughter and hope
They are ENOUGH. I accept them as they are.
They are the GREATEST MIRACLE that I smile upon everyday!
They are so ARTISTICALLY INSPIRING, SO BEAUTIFUL, SO LOVELY, SO UNIQUE, SO AMAZING, SO ORIGINAL, SO WONDERFUL!
I pray for ENCOURAGEMENT in every are of their lives.

and the light said to the darkness:

"May every essence of you, be eternally banished to the depths of the abyss never to be seen again, I command you to LEAVE....NOW....TO HELL with your lies!!!"

and as I walked out that classroom.....I cried.

The Art of the Human Soul

The art of giving your heart and soul to a broken world is one of the most precious and beautiful endeavors you will ever experience.

There will be those who spit at your heart and soul, kick it, beat it up, mock it, reject it, underappreciate it, and think it is completely worthless.

There will be those who lovingly embrace it, cherish it, hold it, kiss it, and tell you, you are SO worth it. 

Are you willing to give your heart and soul away, for the glory of Yeshua? realizing there will be pain, suffering, but also relentless joy, hope, love, and miracles of the impossible?

Are you willing to love those who you know will reject you back?

Are you willing to risk it all for Jesus?

At the end of our lives I hope and pray we can look back on it, and say "IT WAS WORTH IT"

all the struggle, wrestling of thoughts, I pray we have no regrets, but rather a peaceful confidence knowing that we took up our cross everyday for our passion for Yeshua <3 

My Classroom Prayer

I would like to dedicate this prayer to all the young people of Lietuva.

Father God, thank you SO MUCH for my brothers and sisters in this classroom. I pray forYour greatest blessing  over each of them, that You would give  each of them a revelation of Your heart and love. Be with them, pour out and anoint them with Your Holy Spirit. I pray how each of them may get to personally know You Jesus, send angels and people into their lives to show them who You are. Give them direction for what You have called them to do in the future, guide them with Your loving hand. Heal any areas of brokenness in their lives and fill them with Your hope, love, light, grace and confidence. Thank You so much for how precious they are in Your eyes Jesus. I give them back to You. Ahmen. <3