"Friend or Fan?"

Being involved in the Christian music world for the last 10 years, has really lately gotten me thinking about how I define the everyday yet controversial words "Friend" and "Fan". What I'm about to explain is my perspective on how these two words have affected my life.  By no means do you have to agree with me, in fact this would be really fun to debate and argue out...Seriously!!!! I really don't like using dictionary references to define a word, but let's just start from the dirt basics...What is a "Friend"..."One attached to another by affection or esteem." (Webster) While a fan is a "enthusiastic devotee (as of a sport or performing art), usually a spectator or an "Ardent Admirer." (Webster)..."Every friend is a gift from God Treat each of your friends as the Gift He or She is." (Quotes, Laura) Some synonyms for friend are "Acquaintance, buddy, companion, side kick & soul mate"...and  synonyms for "fan"  are "addict, admirer, freak, supporter, follower." As you may already know from previous blogs I've written, I fell in love with Christian music when I was just 8 years old. So over the years, I've had my share of  perspective on this whole friend/fan thing...and let me tell you...It drives me absolutely CRAZY!!! I've honestly never liked the word "fan" to begin with...I actually find it quite offensive! I remember not too long ago, meeting a band. I honestly really "admired" every guy in that band. They were such and inspiration to me and I thought it was a dream come true to have discovered them. But unfortunately a few years later, I realized who they actually were. Personally it looked like  a few or a certain individual had let the "Fame" of this whole band thing get to his head. I'm the type of person who is VERY relationship orientated and since I've always as a young girl been inspired by Christian musicians...especially the guys, I've always wanted to be friends with them just like I would any other friend who is not in a Christian band...You think that it would seem VERY simple having a friend who is in a band...well in my case...it wasn't. It was an honest struggle. With this particular band, I wrote them letters, and every time I got a chance to talk to them I would tell them how much they mean to me and my life...But it seemed like they just didn't get it...I was always considered a mere "Fan" in their eyes...and let me tell you, they still don't realize it...It really hurts...What if I told you I was a "Fan of God"...in my opinion this means that I am a mere admirer or spectator...I don't know him personally...He's just this supposedly cool guy and the whole " genuine personal deep relationship" is NOT there...we don't know each other...While if I were to tell you that I am a "Friend of God" I have a genuine inner personal relationship with him, he knows me very well andI know him very well.We walk life together. We laugh together, cry together and share moments of happiness and sorrow. We are there for each other when life get's tough. Now apply to what I just said to this whole Christian musician thing. That's where things start to get a little messy. Personally, ESPECIALLY if you consider your band to be within the Christian music genre, let's hope that your central mission is to connect people to Christ. In my perspective their is a difference between a band who doesn't specify that their music is Christian and they say they love Jesus Christ and a band who specifically labels their band as "Christian" and says they love Jesus Christ. (I might get smacked in the face for what I'm about to say) But sadly, there are those bands out there who I think have COMPLETELY or at least partially missed the point. I never said every band, just a select few. I think every band since we are all human obviously have had their share of mistakes. So if you're that band that is trying to connect others to Christ, you are going to be meeting and dealing with all sorts of people. All I'm going to say is, YOU have it coming for you... I realized quite recently, that at the end of the day, if you are a Christian musician it's how you treat your family, friends and "fans" that matter more than your stage performance or music in general does. So as a Christian musician, if you are going to be alluring people in, and you know that those people want to be genuine friends with you...why still call them your "fans"? I'm sorry but I am VERY OFFENDED when I'm hoping to be friends with a Christian musician and all they label me is as a "fan"...because what does a "fan" do again? They are a mere spectator who watches from a distance and doesn't really know that person... While a "friend" is someone who you share your heart and life with..Which one sounds more alluring to you personally? So don't expect me to support a band's music if all they do is label me as some  LaLa fan...They are not worth my time or money. I mentioned in my previous blog how I want to start a European music ministry one day. I feel as if some bands treat other bands with great respect, but any person who is not their close friend or family...they shake them off as a "mere fan"...talk about...OUCH. Just because I don't have a band NOW doesn't make me any less of a person. Whether certain bands will admit they make people feel like this or not, that's how they are coming off across as. So let's say I start my music ministry within the next 5 years...God blesses me with that music platform and now I have to live up to this Christlike calling in the Christian music industry. I'm the type of person who, when I meet someone within the first 10 seconds, I consider them a friend. They are my dear brother and sister in Christ. I would NEVER consider anyone I meet in this life to be a "fan" of me. That thought just makes my stomach feel SICK. I would consider them as DEAR FRIENDS. When I start my music ministry, I am going to be everything to my friends that every Christian musician WAS NOT to me...OUCH. I am going to be that girl, who after her shows, I will stay up till FREAKIN 5am in the morning to talk with all my DEAR FRIENDS personally...I'm dead serious. I don't care how long it takes. That's what Christ has called me to do. Not just to merely make music, but to LOVE ON HIS BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. I will be that Christian musician girl who gives my cell phone number away to DEAR FRIENDS who need someone to encourage them in their life. (Don't get me wrong there are certain obsessive people who giving my cell number to would be a really bad idea) I will be that Christian musician girl who goes out for coffee or on a walk with my DEAR FRIENDS. I want to show them the genuine LOVE of Jesus...AND Last but not Least...to all those bands who ever considered me a "Mere Fan"...just you wait...when my music ministry is in full swing and you come over to me... I will DENY that I know you in any other way besides just being a "Mere Fan" and see how YOU like it...Then maybe you'll realize that my friendship with you was no joke...I was being serious...to be continued Part 2

We Get Knocked Down...But We Get Right Back Up!

Well, I'm not fully done blogging my thoughts on my "Looking Back 7 Years" series of Sonshine Festival, but hopefully I'll eventually come back to that series. For now I have another passion I feel like writing about. This one's for all my beautiful Sisters in Christ. I Love you all so much, and I hope that this post would be the golden sunset of your warm summer evening...
So right now I'm reading the book Capitvating by John & Stasi Eldredge...I could write a million thoughts on this book that I'm halfway through on, but if you're a girl in need of a new perspective to see yourself as absolutely Enthralling  through the eyes of Christ, this read is for you...Anyways, as I sat down to read Chapter 8 this morning, I came across a passage that really spoke to my heart..."...the scariest thing for women is to offer our beauty into situaitons where we don't know if it will make any difference, or worse, that we will be rejected. For our Question is, Am I lovely? And to be rejected is to hear a resounding, No. A woman doesn't want to offer her beauty unless she is guaranteed that it will be well received. But life offers no such guarantees. We, too, must take risks...Just think about your life...why do you do the things you do. Have you asked yourself how much you are motivated by fear?...In fact if you feel a little scared then you're probably on the right path...He will give no guarantee that others will enjoy us and respond well...In fact we can be sure that there will be times when they do not...Jesus offered like no other and many rejected him. In those moments or seasons when that happens to us, God's invitation is to bring our sorrow to him. Not to shut down with, I'll never try that again. But to keep our hearts open and alive , and find refuge and healing in his love ( John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating)
There is a situation in my own life, that I've been praying to God, asking why he let me go through it...it involved 4 factors: God. Music. Colorado. Musician Guys... To make a VERY long story short, I poured so much time and energy into the last of the 4 factors, being my true self in Christ, only in the painful end to be left hanging...the above passage was a true answer to my prayers...it hit me with a BANG this glorious morning...Let me explain...I realized for the first time in my life this morning, that there will be people I meet in this life who will ACCEPT my beautiful ideas....and most importantly REJECT my ideas, or never fully grasp why I think the way I do...I've set out a rule of thumb for myself to follow when I'm struggling to decide what to do with a situation God has blessed me or if you will "cursed" me with LOL in my life..."If  I, Aiste were to die tomorrow would I go ahead and do that thing?" Fill in your name in place of mine, and ask yourself honestly, what would you do? Basically along the lines of the  old but true saying "Live and Love like there is no tommorrow." and ever since I have adapted that rule of thumb into my everyday life...WOW...Let me tell you...that day I chose to leave my fear of life behind, and  trust that God has blessed  me with this oppurtunity for a reason, that I should whole heartedly go after it...let me tell you sister...God took this life and SHOOK IT UP...I was never the same person again...As a woman, you know what, I have decided to take those big risks in life in the name of Jesus...If God is calling me to do something, and I'm afraid or doubt myself, I leave it at God's holy feet, suck it up, and go do it! LOL If there is another important thing I've learned in this life it's that "The things that might end up being the most painful for Christ, are the things most worth doing."
This thought takes me back to the quote, " He will give no guarantee that others will enjoy us and respond well...In fact we can be sure that there will be times when they do not..." I also realized for the first time that morning, that as I live out who I am in Christ for the world to see, reality is there will be people out there who will sadly not appreciate the beauty Christ created me to be...AND it's guaranteed that at one point in another in my life that there ARE those people out there, if I haven't discovered them already...This passage brought SO much needed healing to my heart and life. I can't begin to describe to you how God touched my heart today. So regardless of what someone may think of me, going back to my situation in this case ( musician guys) I must have the courage and strength by God's grace to continue to be myself and offer my beauty that I have to give to this world...NO MATTER WHAT...this includes those incidences in life where we feel as though we  have "failed God" (Technically if there is still blood rushing through your veins and you are breathing in the sweet aroma of life, you HAVE NOT failed Him) or situations where you  have been rejected or felt like you were judged or misunderstood, you my beautiful daughter, MUST NOT let that so called "Failure" define YOU...After something like this happens, I've realized in my own life, we take this scarred situation to the cross, and in Jesus name, let the Lover of our souls, who is absolutely ENTHRALLED by us, heal us, so we can once again have a heart, that is "Open & Alive" (Captivating)....and to this day, I pray that  one day these "musician guys' realize what an indescribable blessing they were to me and my best friend's life and that I have COMPLETELY forgiven them, because God worked in my heart  and still is in such a way to do so. So even though my best friend and I  may have been misunderstood by them, and they didn't fully appreciate our inner Beauty that Christ created us  to be, we got back up, looked into the gleaming eyes of our Glorious saviour, he took us by the hand, and once again we walked into the eternal sunset of His heart....

Looking Back 7 Years...Part 3

In this crazy and exciting blog entry, I will be reflecting on words of advice and wisdom I have asked for and recieved from my favorite Christian musicians over the past 10 years...I believe there are 3 kinds of music types in this world.... You have your  less than 1% of elite naturally born & gifted Beethovens...who could literally sit down at the piano at the age of 3 and compose an 8 page symphony with little to no effort. Then there are those who are blessed to be born into a family of musicians, and it's only natural that you follow in their footsteps..Or if you're like most people...or like me...you were born into a family in which you are the black sheep when it comes to music. Your parents didn't get the chance to learn an instrument as a child, or they might have for a while but decided at an early age that this whole music scene, wasn't worth pursuing. Trust me...I feel your pain! It can be SO hard at times to stay encouraged in your music dreams when it feels as if EVERYONE around you is oblivious to your heart's screaming & tormented music passion. I've been there...and if you're one of those people, I'm writing this encouragement for YOU. Everyone has their own music story to share, so I thought I'd tell you a little bit about my life so you can see where I am coming from...So both my parents are originally from the European country of Lithuania. They came to America in 1990 due to Russian communism. I was born in 1993. All my relatives are back in Lithuania it is just my dad, mom, sister and I here in America. Apparently my mom once told me that my great-aunt used to be a famous opera singer and that my grandfather (Mom's side) loved to sing and had a great voice....otherwise....that's it for music life in my family...yep...then a few generations later...I, Aiste came along...AND I happened to discover the Christian music world when I was 8 years old...To this day, I know it was a God thing. I remember one sunny afternoon sitting & playing with my toys in the living room and my Dad came home from work. He was like "Aiste, I found a CD that I think you will really like." The first Christian music CD that I had ever recieved from my Dad happened to be by the band "PLUS ONE". and....you guessed right...I absolutely FELL IN LOVE with this band..and then my Dad eventually introduced me to Christian radio my 5th grade year..and then my love for Christian music escalated rapidly after that I as began to discover more and more bands in that genre. I remember hearing from someone that "The passions you loved and discovered as a child, are things you may enjoy doing for the rest of your life." For me, that passion was obviously Christian music. To this day, it makes PERFECT sense why I've dreamed my whole life of having a Christian band...I immersed myself in music SO MUCH growing up.  I started playing the piano when I was 8 years old and continued through my junior year of highschool. I started singing around that age too and have been involved vocally ever since through voice lessons and choir. I started playing the flute when I was in the 5th grade through the concert band at my highschool and I continue to pursue that instrument. Last but not least, by God's grace, I'm trying to teach myself guitar this summer...AHHH! I come from a town in southwestern Minnesota that has about 1,500 people. As I mentioned in my Part 1 series, I was pretty much the only girl in my small highschool (250 students) who had a passion for Christian music. By passion I mean, more than just loving music, actually being proactive in eventually starting  a band and establishing a music ministry within that. So I've seen many dark days, where my music passion has been, tested, tried, bruised broken, crushed, twisted & turned, punched in the face, burned through the fire (meteorically speaking) doubted, left hanging, rejected...You name it every discouraging and  unwanted trial....I've been there...but my dear passionate music friends...what do we do when we are tested?  One of my many favorite bible verses describes this perfectly, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 (biblegateway.com) So as this verse explains, even though we are crushed and pressed on every side...WE. DO. NOT. GIVE. UP. I repeat my dear passionate music friends...What do we do? WE. DO. NOT. GIVE. UP. Ahmen! I believe that the music dreams that seem "Impossible" that God has placed on our hearts are NOT there by accident...  I'm serious. That God-breathed music dream is NOT there by accident. So many times in my own music life I've doubted God, and questioned, "Why me?!, Why do I have to be "CURSED" with this crazy God-breathed music dream?!?!? Why Jesus, WHY!?!?! But I am realizing more and more day by day that God places Crazy dreams on our hearts that only by HIS HELP and HIS TIME will be accomplished. So I can trust God, knowing that he has a purpose for my music dream, and that it WILL come to pass, and he won't leave me hanging...BUT...I have to be willing to be  that proactive person, who's willing to go that extra mile in my music life to make it happen. I have to work HARD. God never said that God  breathed & God sized dreams would be easy by ourselves...He needs to be the center of it all...That's when the "Impossible" truly becomes the POSSIBLE and the world around us is left staring at us with their mouths wide open...in absolute AWE at what God just did through a beautiful life that was dedicated to follwing him with their whole heart...
If you haven't already, you should check out the book called "Wide Awake" by Erwin Raphael McManus..This book literally changed my life and my perspective on God sized dreams.There are SO many challenging and inspiring quotes in this book. Basically McManus explains that those crazy seemingly impossible God inspired dreams on your heart..ARE POSSIBLE and can become a reality, or as he says "Dreaming Wide Awake." Some sample quotes that I've highlighted: "Ever notice that people who refuse to give up seem to succeed the most? Ever notice that people who expect great things seem most likely to accomplish great things?...You have to be willing to dream of a life that seems unlikely or maybe even impossible...They're the things that burn inside of you that if you cannot attain or accomplish, you feel like you would rather die...Once you have a dream from God and refuse to relinquish it, that dream is going to come to pass no matter what opposition you face..." (McManus) These are just a few of the MANY mind boggling quotes I have highlighted throughout this book..Now as I'm looking through what I've highlighted I think I will do a separate series reflecting on some of my favorite quotes from this  book.
So what I'm about to share with you comes from one Christian musician who has been one of the most AMAZING music inspirations in my life...Let me introduce to you Mike Donehey. He is the lead singer of the worship band  called Tenth Avenue North. He is in his late 20s, is married and has 2 girls. He has a unique sense of humor and he carries himself with a light hearted smiling persona. I recently had the chance to talk to him after his concert at Sonshine Festival  2011. I asked him, how his band Tenth Avenue North started. He explained how in the beginning he never had in mind that the end result of his music project would end up being the band known today as Tenth Avenue North...He and his fellow band members just started out by doing worship at local churches, coffee shops, basically any place or venue who was interesting in hearing their music. As time moved on God eventually blessed them with a music platform in the Christian music industry. It took time, it wasn't an easy journey, but they let God make it happen...AND...It. Did. My heart truly changed and took on a new perspective of what it means to have a Christian band after he said that. I realized that if you have a passion for christian music and worship arts...simply...do what you love! Go to that local church and pour your heart out to the hurting youth, go to that coffee shop and sing that our saviour can truly move the mountains. Don't let fear hold you back. Simply sing, because you love doing it in Jesus precious name. He will bless you. I also realized that as a Christian musician you have to start SOMEWHERE...Tobymac did not become Tobymac in a day...He started very local and built his platform up as God graced him, each and every day. Don't underestimate the value of practicing your instruments on a daily basis, it may get monotonous (that probably means you need to reinvent a fresh outlook) or boring and I'm telling you... YOUR MUSIC PASSION WILL BE TESTED... but the ending result for Christ is COMPLETELY WORTH IT. I was telling Mike how I was discouraged in my music life because I just started learning guitar when I was 18. The funny thing is, he told me that he started learning guitar the summer he graduated from highschool...when he was 18 too...just like me...( he then smiled and gave me a high-five) I can not tell you and he does not even yet know what a breath of encouragement that was to me! So basically, don't think you are EVER too old to learn to sing or play an instrument if you are truly passionate about music. Just like our relationship with Jesus Christ is a growing process, so is our music lives. Those 2 pieces of wisdom I received from Mike Donehey, I will forever hold close to my heart...

Looking Back 7 Years...Part 2

So I promised I would write a Part 2 to this post...Well here it is! :) SO...how does an all guy band or partial guy band feel about girls that "FREAK OUT" over them...Very touchy subject you may ask? AHMEN...That's why I'm blogging about it...I always ask myself so where did this   "Oh my gosh, he is the cutest musician ever, I want to marry him tomorrow!!!!!" obsession come from anyways? Girls, let's be honest now...we have to admit we really admire those guys out there who we think are good looking and attractive...It's like we make it into some game, seeing who can spy out and find the cutest guy out there...I think it's ridiculous all the emotional drama we go through because of guys...Like stop reading this and think for a second, how many times in your life have you "suffered" emotional drama because of ONE guy? From my perspective I think musician guys purely enjoy the attention they are getting from girls, it's healthy, it's great...it's the way God created us...UNTIL it becomes something we obsess about. I think some girls in today's culture don't realize that the "famous" cute guy musician is just a regular person like everyone else. They put him on this Greek God-like pedastool as if he is more elite than the rest of society. At the end of the day, he's just like any other guy,( these are just "bring you back to reality examples" I obviously realize not EVERY guy is like this LOL) he's had that ugly break up with his girlfriend, he has thrown up and gotten sick, he has actually tripped and fallen flat on his face bruising his nose. Also, most importantly he is God's child  whom Jesus loves very much...I feel as though we girls fail to see that cute musician guy through the eye's of Christ...I'll never forget the day when I was about 12 or 13 and coming across this reading that explained how we should treat the guys in our life as "Brothers in Christ" and not as "Potential guys I will date"...I feel so blessed to have come across this word of advice at a young age, because those above words honestly shaped my perspective on how I treat guys.  There is something so beautiful about guys and girls being great friends...the RELATIONSHIP LASTS LONGER...you get to know each other without having to worry about all the complicated dating issues. Does life get any better than that?!?!
As I mentioned in Part 1 unfortunately... I've come across the frogs and toads of Christian guy musicians... As oxymoronic as that may sound...they are out there... and once again...I learned the HARD way... Just because a guy labels himself as a "Christian musician" doesn't exactly mean he lives up to that high calling. I've talked to girls and just observed and myself experienced how falling in love with a Christian guy musician can end and be very emotionally traumatizing. I have to admit we as girls ARE VERY emotional, dramatic and  become very relationally attached to guys...It's the beautiful way God made us! :) Why else would Soul Glow Activator (Lead singer of FamilyForce 5) feel inspired to write a song titled "Drama Queen" ?!?!?! =P I'd have to say one of the most saddest and heart breaking instances are when we fall in love with a Christian musician guy who we found out in the painful end...is NOT who he said he was...We remember that day we shook his soft hand and looked into his hidden "Scandalous brown eyes" (give lyrical credit) and thought that he was the greatest guy we had ever met...absolutely...PERFECT.... That day you went to his first concert and fell in Love with his music as well...I think all of us who have a passion for music...have some sort of story to tell about this. You can't stop thinking about him. You want to marry him and have "millions of babies"... Every time you meet him you feel as though you have to say the right words or he will think you are stupid or not worth loving...You spend endless tiring hours coming up with the perfect speech to tell him your "Life story in 10 seconds"... Yes, I just said those words..."Not. Worth. Loving." Believe it or not, there are girls including myself who have or once thought that who they were was how a guy DEFINED them...Scary revelation you may ask? YEP. But sadly, it's SO TRUE in today's culture. I believe we as girls have to STOP letting guys DEFINE who we are. We are God's blessed Daughter whom He finds VERY WORTH LOVING...Let me repeat this phrase, let it sink into your soul, dear sister...We are God's blessed Daughter whom he finds VERY WORTH LOVING...I recently posted this quote as my facebook status, "That day you finally realize that you do not need to be "good enough" for a guy...if that is the case...that simply means he is not good enough for you...God has someone better in mind whether you believe it or not." AHMEN. WE are God's priceless and beautiful daughters...just as God treats us...we deserve to be treated the same way by a guy!  Going back to the Christian musician guy...Personally I think if you are going to be singing the name of Christ to girls who look up to you...you should more or less act like it. At the end of the day I believe it is how a Christian musician treats and LOVES his/her family, friends & fans that matter the most rather than his or her stage performance... WHY? you may ask...Well let's go back to the dirt basics in the bible. Why are we here? What is our mission? Christ says, "LOVE one another as I have LOVED you." Does Christ even mention anything about how skilled or great your music needs to be or what famous over the top pedastool platform you should be achieving??? NO. So what makes a Christian guy musician who you know is not a fake TRULY attractive? How he LOVES EVERY single person God has blessed him to cross paths with in his beautiful life...To Be Continued Part 3

Looking back 7 years...

Wow, I can't believe I'm saying this but this was my 7th year of Sonshine Festival. Just for some background for all of you who don't know what Sonshine Festival is, it's Minnesota's largest Christian music festival that takes place every year in Willmar, MN and gets between 20,000-25,000 people every year. This year it was held July 13th-16th. I am a DIE HARD Christian music lover. I don't know where I would be in my life without Sonshine's influence, so I decided to write a summary of reflections of how Sonshine has impacted my life over the last 7 years...Be prepared to read a novel,  I'm not your "short story" kind of girl! So first of all with  the number 7  comes many revelations. In the bible 7 is a symbol meaning "last" Ever since my life was completely transformed at Challenge 2010, (A christian conference in Columbus, Ohio) God has been doing some crazy and unpredictable things in  my life, that I would have never IMAGINED would take place...so with that fact established, it comes to me as no surprise that God clearly told me at Sonshine 2011 that this would be my "Last" year coming for quite some time. I'll never forget walking around the streets of Sonshine one last time and feeling this sadness in my heart, that I wouldn't be here next year...Even if I really wanted to I knew at that moment that I would be living and serving God somewhere else at this time next year. With my passion for being a European/Russian musicianary increasing exponentially day by day I believe he is calling me to go overseas to Europe & Russia next summer, which would mean I would have to miss Sonshine. Like I said, God has been doing crazy things in my life, so I am DEF not surprised. My senior year of highschool was strange...everything turned out GREAT...Also I found out recently that this fall would be the David Crowder Band's 7th and Final tour as a band...I found that fact quite a relatable coincidence to my own life....
How Sonshine Festival has Impacted my life:
Well, first of all, as I posted in a recent facebook status, " If God would have told the shy, quiet, afraid to speak english 12 year old me 7 years ago, what would take place at Sonshine Festival 2011 I would have been like "That's impossible, wrong story, wrong girl,You're CRAZY..." But 7 years later, this girl would become that person who LOVES to talk, like seriously NEVER shuts up , energetic and just LOVES LIFE AND PEOPLE SO MUCH...:) God placed the passion of Christian music on my heart when I was 8 years old and that was also the year I accepted Christ into my heart for the very first time as a child. I honestly didn't realize where this beautiful passion would take me...On a more serious note...If it wasn't for Sonshine Festival I can honestly say I would have  never made it to my 18th birthday. I was that girl in highschool who stuck out for my love for Jesus and Christian music. I absolutely HATED going to a public highschool all my life.  My highschool  7-12 had only about 250 students with my graduating class having a grand total of 51 students. So coming from a community that small basically everyone was alike and originality had long lost it's passion in the school I once went to...but then throw a girl named AISTE into the picture...I dared to SHAKE the walls of my highschool down!....I remember feeling SO ALONE in my passion to serve Jesus in Europe and Russia by being a musicanary. Highschool was no easy journey for me. It was a pure HELLISH torture I will thank God NEVER relieve. I was deeply depressed my  7th, 8th, 9th, and 11th grade years of highschool. The only years by God's grace that actually went well were my sophmore & senior year. The funny thing is,I hid my deep sadness SO ridiculously well that to THIS DAY not even my favorite teachers would have guessed I was struggling so deeply. Even some of my closest friends in highschool still have absolutely NO IDEA that I was having a hard time. So if I called those  2 groups of people up today I can say they would honestly be shocked that I, Aiste was the girl to go through all that.  I remember my own friends thinking I was completely out of my own mind in starting a band and having such out of the box seemingly impossible ideas of changing the world. So when I felt like I was that oddball out, coming to Sonshine made me feel secure. I knew at that festival I could meet beautiful friends who shared the same crazy Jesus freak hopes and dreams that I did and that I wouldn't be judged for who I truly was!  ( Maybe explain  how Dawn from Fireflight's testimony changed your life your freshman summer) I remember every year I came to sonshine I would be encouraged by  numerours speakers and my favorite bands. I held each and every precious word they said close to my heart...There is something about the Christian music genre that makes it uniquely stand out among the other genres of music. Let me DEFINE Christian music for you because there are so many people out there (It drives Aiste insane and makes her scream) who think by the term "Christian Music" I mean that all music in that genre revolves around Chris Tomlin style music (praise & worship). In my words, there is Christian praise & worship, rock, pop, hip hop, rap, gospel, AND yes heavy metal all associated within the Christian genre. AH. MEN. If it weren't for Christian music and sonshine festival, I would have not developed my passion for being a musicianary and starting a band one day. I would not be the Aiste I was today without it. I'm not saying Chrisitan music and Sonshine defines who I am, but rather what God did  in my heart through both those life experiences that make me who I am today. My personal favorite, if it weren't for Christian music & Sonshine...I would have not fallen in love with all the musicians over the years. And for OBVIOUS reasons I will not list the names of theses musicians because that in itself would cause more controversy than America's presidential election! LOL I will just leave them wondering...Like you know how growing up girls fell in love with handsome actors...I was different because I could care less about Brad Pitt or Aaron Carter...I fell in love with handsome Christian musicians... I remember growing up, how I always looked up to Christian musicians..Like you know how most of America is obsessed with sports and looks up to athletes, that's how I feel about Christian music and musicians but in an obvious music sense. I always thought it was absolutely SO beautiful the priceless example a Christian musician set. I aspired to be like one of them one day... I knew that the person I saw on stage was transparent and what I saw on stage was who they actually were in person. They were TRANSPARENT. They loved Jesus with everything they  had in them and were kind and compassionate to their family, friends and fans...Now don't get me wrong...just because a band labels themseleves as a "Christian band" does not always mean at the end of they day, they are living up to this high calling. and TRUST me I've had my share of sorting my way through the frogs, toads & princes in Christian music...Part 2 to be continued....