Thursday, August 30, 2012

That Akward Moment of Life When You're in Europe Part 4

That artistically inspired moment of life you FINALLY come across "that European bridge" you dream of being proposed to <3 <3 <3

That adventurous moment of life you find yourself walking the streets of Podgorica, Montenegro with your friends and you have absolutely NO IDEA where you are going...#lost.under.Your.Montenegron.Sky.

That sketchy moment of life one of your friend's asks the lady cashier at a Montenegron gas station where the closest place to exchange American Dollars to Euros is, and she says, "Keep walking straight, go under the bridge, and take a right and there will be a man standing in the corner that will help you." =P =P =P

That awkward moment of life you're white water rafting in Montenegro, and you see a group of people chilling to your left on the river side and you randomely yell, "LABA DIENA, Kaip jus sakisi man draugai?!?!?!?!?!?!" (good afternoon, how are you my friends? in Lithuanian) and they all fall silent and there is this VERY awkward! =(

That moment of life you are truly convinced one of the white water raft tour guys IS RUSSIAN because he has the most deeply/cold/blue/piercing/intimidating/poetically/serious/haunting eyes you EVER seen! #Russian.Men.EyeZ. <3

That FREAKIN HILARIOUS moment of life you find yourself "chilling" in a bush in Kosovo at 12am in the middle of nowhere.....#Europe.has.NO.BATHROOMS.

That glorious moment of life you have FINALLY made it back to the border after 10 miserable bus hours and it's 1AM, you're beyond tired, hungry, and the Macedonian border security lady makes everyone get out of the bus to check passports and you are so TICKED OFF you come very close to giving her your most "haunting.scary.and intimidating Russian stare!: #WOW!...REALLY!?!?!?

That artistically inspiring moment of life the bus driver randomly stops the bus in the middle of nowhere within the Albanian mountains, It's 10pm and you find yourself lying down on the rough rocky ground, star gazing, and you start singing "So Far Gone" by Thousand Foot Krutch...<3 #Lost.underneath.Your.Albanian.Sky...<3

Guess what I did in Kosovo at 12am.....I......I..........=P #Real.Missions.Life...

That sketchy moment of life you walk into a European internet cafe for the first time ever, it's night time, the cafe is underground, there's graffiti on the walls as you walk in the "tunnels" that are almost pitch black and there is an overall creepy space theme going on...

That funny moment of life you and 6 of your friends on your missions team are making your literal "Last Macedonian Supper" and the cheese you are cutting is very watery/milky white and Josh is like "that cheese is leaking!" and you're like, "This is freakin REAL EUROPEAN CHEESE...the cow was probably milked this morning!" and Josh is like "EWWWWW!!!" #FREAKIN.REAL.EUROPEAN.CHEESE!

Lastly.... That deeply sad moment of life you're riding the bus to the airport in Skopje, Macedonia, it's 3am, and one of the last songs you hear on the Macedonian radio is called "You & I"....<3 <3 <3 #eternal.tears.forever.falling...................

On a more reflecting note, thought I would include some serious life shaking moments as well:

I'll never forget that moment walking by a young Bosnian man about my age...staring straight into his deep, saddened blue green eyes, and I could just feel his pain, his scars...his hopelessness...this very moment motivates me and reminds me why I do music ministry in the first place...

Pastor Dragon's Wife's sermon summary: NEVER.GIVE.UP. Never give up on prayer. No matter how long it takes, 1 day, 1 month, 1 year, 10,20,30,40 + years, keep on praying with the SAME PASSION & mater what! God WILL MOVE in His timing...<3

Wednesday, August 22, 2012


The world screamed NO,
They laughed at my passion,
they didn't believe in me,
It was like I was suffocating breathing in it's toxic air,
it was like a tsunami,
pulling as hard as it could to drag me under into the abyss,
and drown,
so deep,
that there would be no chance to ever recover,
and a vision that COULD HAVE changed the world,
just died,
and laid there quietly, overgrown with black green murky seaweed,
screaming in silence,
 no one hearing her cries,
forever lost,
in a moment of history,
that eternally passed,
but amongst the darkness,
there was a glimmer,
ever so little,
a diamond so small,
no one would ever have bothered to notice,
when everything seemed forgotten,
and so broken,
so dead,
out of nowhere,
He reached out His loving arms,
looking into her gleaming deep sea blue eyes,
and sweetly said,
"My precious daughter,
Don't give up,
My precious child,
the passion I gave your soul,
there is still hope,
a tear slide down His glorious face,
My dear child,
I weep for you,
your heart,
your soul,
your smile...
precious daughter,
just hold on one more day,
and you will see,
how every moment in your sparkling life,
 was meant to be,
every beautiful soul you've ever met,
every heartbreak,
every disappointment,
every soul scarring moment,
every laugh,
every tear,
every joy,
every depression,
every golden sunset,
my precious daughter,
I love who you are,
never change that,
for someone else,
or for the world...

After The World ~Disciple~

Was I there, through the worst of all your pain?
Was I there when your blue sky ran away?
Was I there when the rain was flooding you?
I hope you would feel, those were my tears,
falling down for you,
falling down for you...<3


Monday, August 13, 2012

I Did This For You

I've questioned many times,
why I chose to pursue this journey,
Robert Frost's "road less traveled",
I could have taken the easy way,
the safe way,
the secure way,
the pain free way,
but that would have murdered my soul,
leaving me lifeless,
At the moment,
my mind can't seem to picture those individual faces,
those beautiful souls,
my precious European & Russian brothers and sisters,
To the young Lithuanian Christian man I pray that actually exists in this world,
I don't know who you are...YET....
but I do this for you,
for all the young Lithuanian boys and girls,
with those big innocent and sweet hazel brown eyes,
who have God sized passions and dreams to make this world a better place,
I do this for you,
for the young Russian musician,
who has the passion,
to shake the darkest corners of Europe and your homeland,
for Christ,
through our hearts for music ministry,
I pray one day I know who you are,
I do this for you,
To the 4 year old orphaned Polish girl,
with the deepest sadness a precious daughter should never have to go through,
to bring a light and hope to your pink flower soul,
any day,
any second,
I do this for you,
To the young Macedonian man who broke my Lithuanian heart into a trillion pieces,
and left this stained glass  soul shattered on the white sidewalk to die,
I  choose to forgive you,
it hurts like hell,
but God has changed my heart,
a wise Bosnian man once said,
"We must suffer to their hearts..."
and oh how these words of wisdom,
shook everything I knew,
now I realize what it means to "Take up my cross daily"
now it makes perfect sense, of what it takes to suffer to the hearts of every European and Russian soul,
I would have rather risked going too far,
Than watch love wither away,
Like a spotless dove white flower,
Pulled out from underneath the Millenium cross,
all it's chances at life gone...
To Letters to Lietuva,
my beautiful country,
my Lietuva,
you'll look back 10 years from now,
and realize,
how everything made sense,
all the chaos and craziness,
all the joyful moments,
all the heartbreaks,
all the crying and tears,
all the get to this place,

New Design~Thousand Foot Krutch:

I've never felt this way before
I've never come so close
I've never worn so thin
I'm stepping out
Instead of closing in
Left myself behind
When I made up my mind
No turnin' back this time
This is my new design...

Sometimes I feel so alone
It feels like I'm standing out here on my own
I've never felt so far from home
It's comin' on, it hits me
When I step outside my zone
Cause sometimes, I feel so alone
It feels like I'm standing out here on my own
I've never felt so far from home...

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


She sat on the cold hard wooden,
she just wanted to cry,
and give up,
 her heart couldn't take this,
she was so sick and tired
of being left hanging,
out in the cold,
How could he do this?
Why was he such a liar?
a flirt?
a fake?
why was he so kind at first,
why was she foolishly fooled?
why did he leave so suddenly?
why had his heart turned into the Siberian tundra?
he was European charming on the outside,
but his heart was a poisonous red apple,
She doesn't didn't understand,
this culture,
seemingly warm,
but reality was,
their hearts were decieving,
their hearts were cold,
scars, oh deep scars had yet to be healed,
from the beginning she sensed the painful seriousness,
one look in his eyes,
she just knew something had happened,
something so scarring,
he would never tell,
not even God,
it was just lost too deep in his soul,
she wanted to throw the stupid hardcover dark blue colored book into the fire,
furiously rip out EVERY SINGLE page,
and shred it into a million pieces,
and make him watch it turn into mere gray lonely lifeless ashes,
he wouldn't even bother to shed a single tear,
that's how heartless he was,
but deep in her soul,
she knew she had to simply forgive,
and pray that one day,
a glorious light would smile down upon his dead face,
and dark coal blackened heart,
she had slowly learned to believe in the beauty of second chances,
remembering a dear friend once told her,
"sometimes, in life we must suffer to their hearts,
suffer to their hearts,
SUFFER to their hearts,
oh Father God,
I pray,
I'm on my knees,
crying out to you,
give me the strength by Your loving grace,
to suffer,
suffer to their precious hearts,
suffer to his precious heart...


Thursday, August 2, 2012


What happened to you?
I always wonder,
As I sit on the front porch swing,
swaying in the warm summer breeze,
as the sun sets,
you are like a mysterious shifting black shadow,
here in the evening,
gone by morning,
why did you leave so suddenly?
why didn't you tell me?
why did you forget to say goodbye?
These questions beyond murder my soul,
my heart,
you don't strike me as someone who would leave another hanging,
your kind eyes,
was I decieved?
your precious smile,
were those lying lips?
My heart does it's best to see the absolute beauty in humanity,
that's what I did for you,
I saw the beauty in you,
I hope that you would do the same for me,
I looked past everything,
and saw who God created you to be,
 it was more glorious than an endless mountainous Albanian sunset,
I'll never forget your distinct voice,
your laughter,
your hugs,
your heart,
even if it means not seeing you for a week,
a year,
ten years,
until we cross eternity's path,
your beautiful soul,
forever opened my eyes,
and my heart will eternally smile at all the dear memories shared....

I remember the times we spent together were not used to feel like dreaming...except we always woke up...never thought not having you here would hurt so much... <3~FM Static

Tonight~FM Static:

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Stained Glass Eyes

We grew up two worlds apart
We were so close but yet so far away
Two decades later we cross paths
I remember shaking your hand
As I looked into your deep black brown eyes
There was something inside of them,
You didn't know,
but I knew,
You know what it's like being in a cultureless culture,
trying your best not to lose your identity,
and assimilate with the rest,
What it's like to grow up with people,
who firmly believe there is no hope for their homelands,
that have been scarred by communism,
that old mindset,,
you know exactly what I mean,
 and somehow finding hope to rise above all this,
and pursue our dreams,
ignoring the word impossible,
and just smiling boldly,
giving each obstacle in our lives the death stare,
until it disappeared,
the beauty of language,
your accent is like a Tchaikovsky melody,
Oh how I can't wait for the day to completely lose the accent I gained while living in America,
what a glorious day that will be,
 you understand food culture,
the art of eating cabbage rolls,
simple, healthy, natural non preservative food,
living in a culture that does not know how to eat,
that does not have a food culture,
You actually get those cultural inside jokes,
that the rest of society just stares blankly,
totally lost,
you think you know me,
but you really don't,
I think I know you,
but do I?
Oh the poetic  European seriousness of how you carry yourself,
I try my best not to laugh,
cause I totally do the same thing,
just standing there speechless, like the young man holding the saukotis,
what is REALLY behind those shattered stained glass eyes of yours...<3