20 Years

I still can't believe it......like  dang......I'm officially 2 decades old......so freakin old............I seriously felt old the day I turned 15........I honestly don't know how my blessed parents survived my crazy Eastern Euro/Russian self....God bless their dear hearts!

It was an interesting last 7 "teen" years...not in my wildest dreams would I EVER go through them again. They were a blessing in their own disguise, had there ups and downs, but NEVER again. It's going to be so strange saying I'm TWENTY and there's no TEEN at the end....Not to be stuck up or anything but I always felt a little more grown up than my generation that surrounded me, even at the age of 13.....It must be the European ettiqutte. I definitely grew up alot faster than the majority of my teen generation. Even though I turn "Twenty" I feel like I have lived at least thirty years of life. I've always been a serious deep thinker. I have my funny moments, but the depth of my thoughts, has been in my heart for as long as I remember.....

The teen years were a very interesting experience for me.  The first thing I think of is the 7 years worth of amazing Christian rock/worship/hardrock/screamo concerts at Sonshine Festival & Lifelight Festival that I would never trade for anything. I want to thank each dear musical soul who inspired me to keep going with my music ministry passion, you will never know how much your heart for God and passion for music ministry changed my life. I don't think you realize how crucial your inspiration is to young musicians. <3 <3 <3

Within these years, I also continued to develop a passion for art, colorfulness, and expressing myself through Euro style fashion. Oh....and how could I forget, God creatively introduced me to the Russian culture through 4 young Russian musician men.....cough cough....Gotta' love my heavenly Father's unexpected surprises.

The Decade of the 20s....wow what to even expect, I can't even begin to imagine....All I know is God has something beyond crazy in store.....hmmmmmmm....this would be a rough summary of what I hope and pray happens within the next 10 years............

Go to the Steiger Missions School in Krogis, Germany (meet my future missions husband.....LOL jk.....knowing my attitude towards young Euro/Russian musician men...cough cough)

Hopefully finish my English degree at Lithuania Christian College

Start my music ministry Grazyna Aistra (Beautiful Passion) that would be an evangelistic outreach band for Europe/Russia consisting of hardrock/screamo style

Travel to the street corners of Europe & Russia with my dearest Russian sister Jenna, doing music ministry with our band Ruslana Evelyn y Vika.

Help plant churches in Eastern Europe & Russia, and evangelize through music.

Be part of the Baltic Initiative (church planting movement in Eastern Europe) Maybe even be one of the coffee barista's and be a European coffeeshop hipster for a couple years

Start a coffeeshop ministry or even my own coffeeshop

Go to a European art school

Write at least 1-3 books: "The Lithuanian That Grew Up In America & Somehow  By God's Amazing Grace Survived"....."The Art of Surviving RMP (Russian Men Problems".......Ruslana Evelyn's Artistically Inspiring Thoughts: What happens to the brain when one eats weird eastern european food...

Seriously be living IN EUROPE....somewhere....

Hopefully have mastered Russian, Lithuanian grammar...maybe some other language so I can brag that I'm quad lingual

Whatever happens these next 10 or however many years....all I know is that it's going to be FREAKIN. AMAZING. #all.for.God's.Glory! <3 
 

Collapsing

My feet stood frozen in the Siberian snow
I thought my grey boots were water proof,
but the  slushy brown whiteness seeped through, soaking my mismatched colored socks,
such a discomforting feeling,
my heart was filled with overwhelming anxiety,
I knew what had to be done,
but I didn't have the courage to do it,
I had waited so many months for this very moment,
yet why was my heart murdered by  fear?
It was like my soul was at war,
it kept bouncing back from one extreme end to another,
DO IT
DON"T DO IT
DO IT
DON"T DO IT
DO IT DON'T DO IT
DO IT
DON"T DO IT
My head and stomach felt so dizzy,
I just wanted to collapse to the cold wooden floor and never get back up again.
But reality was, I had to get back up,
even though my soul was drowning in the Atlantic abyss,
so beyond lost,
I prayed to God to give me strength,
to follow through,
for His heart,
His plans,
His dreams,
His visions,
knowing that there were only greater things that lay ahead,
if I just had the courage to hold on a little while longer,
the little while longer feel like 10 years per day,
 somedays it's so hard to trust God,
His plans for our lives can seem so impossible and ridiculous,
as the world around you mocks and laughs at your stupidity at following Christ,
but regardless of what humanity thinks,
I have chosen to keep moving forward,
trusting that God will come through in His perfect timing....