Sunday, July 13, 2014


Today something happened that usually NEVER happens to me.
I was sitting in the church service today, and the preacher called over to me  and said that he wanted to pray for me. I got up and stood in front of the entire church and he prayed.

Later that evening as I reflected back on the church service,  I just started to cry, for God gave me another revelation of His heart. He revealed to me in my heart that my people, we feel forgotten and overlooked by society. I know that I have felt these feelings lately and throughout my life during different seasons. My people of Eastern Europe, are hurting, and not just merely hurting, but deeply wounded and scarred.  We are scarred because of our pasts, we are afraid, really afraid. Our creativity has been thrown into the chains of bondage. We feel trapped, insecure, we don't show the world our true feelings. We keep these feelings of anger, sadness, depression, joy, and hope suppressed, we have become "masters of the art" of hiding who we really are, cause we are afraid if people see us for who we really are, they won't like us. My heart really started to break for all the young people in my city, and in Europe, all those hard and painful things of life that they are going through. I once heard this phrase from a wise Polish soul that the countries that need God the most experience the greatest miracles. I believe Lithuania is definitely one of those countries. I really believe Jesus is going to pour out His love in such a passionate way, that He is going to heal this haunting brokeness that exists amongst my people, He is going to wipe every tear away, and just hold our country in His everlasting loving embrace. I firmly believe that the greatest miracles have yet to come to dearest Lithuania..... 

Sunday, July 6, 2014

The UNtop 40

I recently posted a status that suggested how much I dislike the top 40 songs that are globally known through out the world. In the following reflection, I would like to elaborate into intricate detail on my point.

First of all, as a child, I don't know what happened to the rest of the musical world, or did I grow up in a sheltered Midwestern box, but my childhood was deeply blessed with Christian music even since I was 8 years old. My dad gave me my first Christian music CD when I was that age....for those of you who are familiar this really dates me...the backstreet boy Christian "equivalent" known as the band "Plus One" their record titled  "The Promise".

From that moment one I started listening to Christian radio, I memorized every song, every lyrical line, every rhythm, I learned everything there possibly is to know about each musician who sang each song as was for a young girl my age. I honestly wonder if in today's society there is someone exactly like me who exists with the same passion for Christian music. It's like each of those songs and lyrics touched my heart and soul so deep, it's like the words are still to this day flowing through my blood and go with me wherever I go. It's hard to explain, so I hope that makes sense somewhat. and to this day, I haven't met not even ONE person who feels so deeply like this kind of music in such a way as I.

So as I grew up, I can honestly say God IMMENSELY BLESSED my childhood with so many Christian music,  festival and concert experiences.  This genre of music breathed such a new fresh artistically inspiring life into my heart, soul and mind. On my darkest days and brightest of days this Christian music was always the sunlight in my path of life. I don't think I realized how much this childhood past affected me until I moved to Europe.

When I moved to Europe, I realized my friends here hadn't experienced what I experienced as a child. and you know what? that really broke and moved my heart to do something. So I started sharing my Christian musical childhood past with them, wither it be talking about the bands and letting them listen to a few songs, because I really believe that passing on this inspiration is what God has called me to do. I really do desire to see the Christian music scene in Europe to develop, and it's such an honor and blessing to be a part of the beginning stages of this process. In all honesty, I wish every friend I have in Europe and outside of America, if there was a way for all of you to go back with me into my Christian musical childhood past to experience every song as deep as I did, every concert, every festival, I would trade places with you in a heart beat. <3

Growing up I was considered the strange girl who listened to strange music. I honestly was never a fan of the top 40 hits of the world. When it comes to music, I am a very strict listener of lyrics. The lyrics must be in a way God breathed or I most likely won't listen to it...So imagine walking in my musical shoes, coming from a background where poetic artistic inspiring lyrics are flowing through my blood and veins, and my ears for the first time here the lyrics of the "top 40"...I was so disgusted by the low quality, I have no words. It was an utter meaningless embarrassment to my ears. Now don't get me wrong or mistaken here, I AM NOT writing this blog reflection to JUDGE others musical tastes or them. I believe there is a reason why everyone listens to the music that they do. The longer I lived in Europe the more I realized those top 40 hits are famous LITERALLY everywhere...America....Lithuania, Macedonia, Serbia, Bosnia, Montenegro, Austria, Germany, Czech Republic, Poland, Italy.....this music that has such a huge influence on humanity......the same EVERYWHERE.....I felt like everyone around me had conformed to listening this genre and that I was the only one who had a blessed and unique musical experience that no one else around me seemed to share.

I'm going to be honest, just because THE ENTIRE WORLD  seems to listen to a certain kind of music DOES NOT MEAN you have to CONFORM and be like "everyone else"...IF you want to talk to a living example of someone who chose to do her own musical thing, and not be like the rest of the world, seriously feel free to talk to me about my experience of life...I LOVE alot....obnoxiously alot. Never feel like you have to fit in...cause you know what dearest friend? We were never meant to fit in in this world according to God's heart. I was a musical artistic OUTCAST literally my entire life, and I used to be SO ASHAMED of it, but over the years, I have learned to embrace this very unique experience of life that God has blessed me to live, and to share this with the rest of humanity.  Trust me, I know all to well what it feels like to stand alone for something I believe in when nobody else around me does. Honestly, what the world needs is more people who are willing to NOT be afraid to stand out and make a radical IN YOUR FACE difference for Christ. To be THAT OUTCAST in society.....

I should have been more honest with my friends growing up, I despised the top 40 so much, they assumed I liked it, but those songs never resonated with my heart. I honestly never understood people who could listen to "meaningless" songs cause for me, my heart listened to every lyric and interpreted the meaning. Don't get me wrong again, the musicians who wrote  these songs, there is a clear reason why they wrote them, and it is a reflection of their heart. The human heart in this case in these songs reflect the themes of sex, love relationships, money, fame, drugs, or just having a chill good time.  Not all these songs are necessarily "bad" but overall from my musical childhood past, my heart simply naturally doesn't resonate with them. And YES I do realize most people in Europe grew up listening to these songs because it was probably the only music on the radio considered to be cool, and everyone around them was listening to the same music, and obviously the concept of Christian music radio didn't exist for them. So it's perfectly understandable why alot of the world chooses to identify themselves within the popular music scene.

So after much thought, several days ago, I FINALLY came to the conclusion that Jesus wants me BOLDLY and LOUDLY share my Christian musical childhood past with the rest of the world...inspiring one dear soul at a time...with the UNtop 40......=)

Thursday, July 3, 2014

The Dreamer

This is the country where dreams go to die.

I stood there frozen, looked them in the eyes and replied, "I am a dreamer..."
The voices grew louder,
THIS is THE country where dreams DIE....
My heart started to race as I said a little louder, "I AM a dreamer..."
A tear streamed down my face, and I hopefully and calmly said...."I am a dreamer..."
I continued to look at them, deeply into their eyes, their gaze not losing mine and I confidently proclaimed,

"Viešpaties Dvasia ant manęs
nes jis patepė mane
kad neščiau gerają naujieną vargdieniams
Pasiuntė skelbti belaisviams išvadavimo
akliesiems regėjimo
siuntė vaduoti prislėgtujų
ir skelbti Viešpaties malonės metų..."  Luko 4,18-19

and somehow out of the blackened barren ashes of scarred hearts and soul torn flesh I found the strength to carry on...

Wednesday, July 2, 2014


The gospel is OFFENSIVE
The gospel is PROVOCATIVE
The gospel is TRUE LIFE!

I WILL NOT and CHOOSE NOT to compromise Jesus', life, death and Resurrection.
I must portray the reality of Christ
I DID NOT come here to become a smoldering fire that slowly dies out, rather, I came here to put fuel on the fire so that it would EXPLODE into great flames...spiritually speaking,
Please DON'T put Christianity in your "safe box" or try to sell me your watered down version.