Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The City Has Lost Its Color

She remember those naiive days
When "moving to the cities" seemed like the second best idea from going to heaven,
A country girl at heart's dream,
to explore the world,
and all its crazy wonders,
The city was like a Russian lover,
oh how you just wanted to gaze into his deep dark seemingly charming brown eyes forever,
oh how his hands ran through her curly brown hair,
but  his heart proved to be rotten to the core,
So deceptive,
like a city that had lost its color,
everyone else around her saw the city brightly illuminated,
shades of strawberry red, sunset orange, lemon yellow, wild jungle green, dreamy blue sky.
but through her tired and wearied eyes, she saw a  lifeless grey, black and white,
the once dream place,
of pure musical passion,
was but a mere decaying brick building,
that seemingly offered so much hope,
now she just stood there and stared blankly at it,
in the same spot where she stood exactly a year ago,
sweet, innocent brown hazel eyes, cute floral headband, Asian braids, black skinny jeans,
 fully alive, full of energy thinking "This was it! this has to be it! I have found that "perfect' sparkling diamond!"
OH how the city has lost its color,
She remembers when she met him,
It was like the impossible blessing from heaven before her very eyes,
He seemed too good to be true,
and eventually it proved to be he sadly was,
he hid his beautiful angel kissed face,
behind a masquerade of lies,
that he would never seem to reveal,
she knew deep down he was a wonderful man,
but his heart was simply too afraid,
too afraid of what could be,
 of what could have  been,
he decided to step aside,
and watch her life from the sidelines,
just waiting to see if she would even notice,
of course she noticed,
every passing day,
that was one step closer into eternity,
but in her heart she didn't know if the time was right,
to take that risk,
so she just gave him to God,
kissed him goodbye in her mind,
and walked away,
OHh how the city has lost its color,
Oh dear city why have you lost your color?,
Most precious dearest city,
you're losing your color,
it's fading, your  colors fading,
slowly dying,
like a shriveled up red rose,
that once breathed a sign of hope,
now lays lifelessly dried up,
OHhh how the city has lost its color....

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Dear Future Whoever You Are

In honor of Valentine's Day this year, just thought I'd post a cute little summary of characteristics I'm looking for in my future husband.....don't laugh too hard...=P

1) Must love Jesus more than he loves my crae crae cute, innocent Lietuve self
2) Has a heart for global music ministry missions, specifically the Eastern European/Russian region of the world
3) Must love children =) 
4) Would be nice if he actually is a musician of some sort
5) MUST speak Russian (this MAY be waived depending on who he is...)
6) Is simply FREAKIN.HILARIOUS. & not afraid of embarrassing himself in European public
7) Is not afraid of adventure and traveling all over Europe and Russia and the world & being immersed in a diverse amount of cultural situations.
8) Must be able to survive a Devil Wears Prada/As I Lay Dying concert, cause this is what he's getting himself into for the rest of his life....#hardcore.Eastern.European/
9) Would be nice if he had a sense of European fashion....(seriously what man does?...they all need much help) or at least have some appreciation for the colorful/hipster/ punk rock dress style  and have a crazy wild emo/punk hairstyle....
10) He CAN be American...YES...I, just that he CAN be American....okay wait...I'm having second thoughts...

If you match up with all or a me....=P 
Ruslana Evelyn

Monday, February 4, 2013


I stood there as still as death on this dark snowless night
My heart had unfortnately realized a sad reality
I can't believe my foolishness,
Oh my year long foolishness,
Why had it taken me SO LONG?
Oh you foolish Lithuanian child!
What were you thinking?
To ensnare yourself in an American lover's trap,
you scandalous soul,
What were you thinking?
What was I thinking?....seriously
Just realizing how this moment of time came SO FREAKIN close to not being,
All the God coincidence circumstances that it took to get to this very moment,
proves that this life in America was sadly, never meant to be.
It's so hard to let you go,
You have no idea,
Having to write you a goodbye letter,
my hands are too weak to hold the cursed pen,
to the crumbling coffee stained paper,
Oh why did it have to come to this?,
this shattered letter,
which could revive the heart to life,
or forever crush it into darkness,
I have yet to find out,
The question is,
do I want to find out?
So with a very heavy eastern european heart,
I move, I mean crawl on,
into the unknown,
trusting Someday, God will bless us with the chance to cross paths....again...
until then....
the time that passes will simply be frozen....