Collapsing

My feet stood frozen in the Siberian snow
I thought my grey boots were water proof,
but the  slushy brown whiteness seeped through, soaking my mismatched colored socks,
such a discomforting feeling,
my heart was filled with overwhelming anxiety,
I knew what had to be done,
but I didn't have the courage to do it,
I had waited so many months for this very moment,
yet why was my heart murdered by  fear?
It was like my soul was at war,
it kept bouncing back from one extreme end to another,
DO IT
DON"T DO IT
DO IT
DON"T DO IT
DO IT DON'T DO IT
DO IT
DON"T DO IT
My head and stomach felt so dizzy,
I just wanted to collapse to the cold wooden floor and never get back up again.
But reality was, I had to get back up,
even though my soul was drowning in the Atlantic abyss,
so beyond lost,
I prayed to God to give me strength,
to follow through,
for His heart,
His plans,
His dreams,
His visions,
knowing that there were only greater things that lay ahead,
if I just had the courage to hold on a little while longer,
the little while longer feel like 10 years per day,
 somedays it's so hard to trust God,
His plans for our lives can seem so impossible and ridiculous,
as the world around you mocks and laughs at your stupidity at following Christ,
but regardless of what humanity thinks,
I have chosen to keep moving forward,
trusting that God will come through in His perfect timing....