My Apology

I'm sorry that I was never enough for you
I'm sorry that I was not all that you dreamed that I would be
I'm sorry that I disappointed you
I'm sorry I left you hanging in the Eastern European cold
I do not know if I will ever be able to forgive myself
I remember those days where it used to be so exciting to meet the entire world
So absolutely, utterly artistically inspiring,
I don't know what happened,
maybe it was the country,
maybe it was the climate,
maybe it was the realization that I would never fit in to the flesh and blood of my past.
Maybe it was the haunting emotionless, lifeless dead expression on the faces
Maybe it was depression,
Maybe it was the sensing that the presence of God was not strongly felt since walking the soil,
I question why,
Why all this struggle, pain, to seemingly satisfy a curiosity that costed one's life?
Indeed the sacrifice was too great.
But one cannot turn back the clock,
The reality of life pierces my heart like the sharpest sword,
but I hope one day you can find the strength forgive me,
This season of life is so short,
right now it seems like the darkest abyss,
but oh, what a  mere breath of life,
it  shall pass, like an intricate white feather from a dove, dancing in the golden sea sunset...absolutely free....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHNTKWK4Lx4