Even if my parents never told me I was Lithuanian,
I would have sensed that there was something different,
and I still would have passionately gone after whatever that something was....
Looking back to the start of this Lithuanian fundraising year I simply thought this would be one of those seasons of life that I quickly slip into, and GLADLY run out of an never look back...
But it wasn't so.....
I knew taking a year off working all the time would feel like hell...
At the beginning of this Lietuva passion, I LITERALLY thought I was going to...as the saying goes...."cut the cord"....as in missions terms, as one of my professor's once said....Like I thought after this year was over I would completely CUT OFF everything in the United States that I had ever known....memories, relationships, just EVERYTHING, and forget what the first 2 decades was and start off fresh in Lietuva..... I think part of me had gone mad at the time as well, because I was STILL shockingly
digesting the thought that God was calling me to take off a year from college to raise all these funds for a German missions school and Lithuanian university....
As this year continued, I realized that no matter how hard I tried, even if I wanted to, I absolutely couldn't forget my American life. All the dear souls, family, friends, who supported me through their prayers and simply just being their for me during some of the hardest times of my life....Wither I liked this reality or not, America would always be part of my heart. As deathly hard as it is to balance two completely different worlds European and American, I am slowly coming to the peace of having to accept this. I know for some of you, these thoughts may not make any sense, having never been in the situation of "balancing 2 worlds" but I hope you somehow understand....
Just like all situations of life, living in the United States had it share of scars which I would never re-live. But I realize that if those scars hadn't burned me, I wouldn't be the same person, or in the same situations that I am/in. As hard as that is for me to even realize. In the United States I accepted Christ as my savior, discovered Christian music, and met so many beautiful dear souls. I wouldn't trade those heavenly moments EVER. Highschool here was an absolute joke and insult to who I am as a Lithuanian. Europe somehow was this hopeful light in my heart. Obviously my European life wasn't perfect as well. Visiting Europe growing up birthed a passion in my heart for music ministry and missions. I look back on this beautiful life, and I'm left SO Speechless how God simply lined EVERYTHING up ever so perfectly at the right time and place. Like for example, discovering Christian rock music when I was 8 and listening to such deep melodic lyrics as a child, reading books more than I talked up until age 12 has made me a creatively inspired writer...or discovering Trevor McNevan's music when I was 10, who would have EVER thought that his punk rock influence would inspire me to create my own artistic punk rock persona? Same with discovering Jason Dunn's music.....the whole punk rock thing.....God is working even amongst the smallest details....If it wasn't for God introducing me to the Russian culture through this one Russian rock band, I probably wouldn't have developed such a passion for the culture or language, and I think of all the beautiful souls I wouldn't have met if I didn't have this passion....All those life coincidences...It's absolutely INSANE how God works...down to every freakin second!
Being in Europe just makes my soul come ALIVE....like FREAKIN ALIVE....I don't even know how to describe this state of happiness. Is it for the fact that my own flesh and blood live in Lithuania? Definitely yes. For those of you dearest friends who have relatives in the United States if there's one thing I've learned, DON'T take your relatives forgranted...I know this sounds like a DUH moment...but seriously what I would GIVE to be sitting next to my Lietuve mocute (Lithuanian grandma) and just talk with her while making Lietuvos blynas.....EVERY DAY...instead of maybe once every 5 or more years.....Maybe this is why the whole crazy Lietuva 2013 idea came to be....Simply missing the ones you love who are thousands of miles away from your heart, and you're just TIRED of being separated from your own flesh and blood, and are just TIRED of missing out on memories that could have been.........
I can only imagine what lies ahead in this crazy beautiful EuroMerica....I mean...
EURO?
America?
LIFE!?!?!?!?
I can't decide which one.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I would have sensed that there was something different,
and I still would have passionately gone after whatever that something was....
Looking back to the start of this Lithuanian fundraising year I simply thought this would be one of those seasons of life that I quickly slip into, and GLADLY run out of an never look back...
But it wasn't so.....
I knew taking a year off working all the time would feel like hell...
At the beginning of this Lietuva passion, I LITERALLY thought I was going to...as the saying goes...."cut the cord"....as in missions terms, as one of my professor's once said....Like I thought after this year was over I would completely CUT OFF everything in the United States that I had ever known....memories, relationships, just EVERYTHING, and forget what the first 2 decades was and start off fresh in Lietuva..... I think part of me had gone mad at the time as well, because I was STILL shockingly
digesting the thought that God was calling me to take off a year from college to raise all these funds for a German missions school and Lithuanian university....
As this year continued, I realized that no matter how hard I tried, even if I wanted to, I absolutely couldn't forget my American life. All the dear souls, family, friends, who supported me through their prayers and simply just being their for me during some of the hardest times of my life....Wither I liked this reality or not, America would always be part of my heart. As deathly hard as it is to balance two completely different worlds European and American, I am slowly coming to the peace of having to accept this. I know for some of you, these thoughts may not make any sense, having never been in the situation of "balancing 2 worlds" but I hope you somehow understand....
Just like all situations of life, living in the United States had it share of scars which I would never re-live. But I realize that if those scars hadn't burned me, I wouldn't be the same person, or in the same situations that I am/in. As hard as that is for me to even realize. In the United States I accepted Christ as my savior, discovered Christian music, and met so many beautiful dear souls. I wouldn't trade those heavenly moments EVER. Highschool here was an absolute joke and insult to who I am as a Lithuanian. Europe somehow was this hopeful light in my heart. Obviously my European life wasn't perfect as well. Visiting Europe growing up birthed a passion in my heart for music ministry and missions. I look back on this beautiful life, and I'm left SO Speechless how God simply lined EVERYTHING up ever so perfectly at the right time and place. Like for example, discovering Christian rock music when I was 8 and listening to such deep melodic lyrics as a child, reading books more than I talked up until age 12 has made me a creatively inspired writer...or discovering Trevor McNevan's music when I was 10, who would have EVER thought that his punk rock influence would inspire me to create my own artistic punk rock persona? Same with discovering Jason Dunn's music.....the whole punk rock thing.....God is working even amongst the smallest details....If it wasn't for God introducing me to the Russian culture through this one Russian rock band, I probably wouldn't have developed such a passion for the culture or language, and I think of all the beautiful souls I wouldn't have met if I didn't have this passion....All those life coincidences...It's absolutely INSANE how God works...down to every freakin second!
Being in Europe just makes my soul come ALIVE....like FREAKIN ALIVE....I don't even know how to describe this state of happiness. Is it for the fact that my own flesh and blood live in Lithuania? Definitely yes. For those of you dearest friends who have relatives in the United States if there's one thing I've learned, DON'T take your relatives forgranted...I know this sounds like a DUH moment...but seriously what I would GIVE to be sitting next to my Lietuve mocute (Lithuanian grandma) and just talk with her while making Lietuvos blynas.....EVERY DAY...instead of maybe once every 5 or more years.....Maybe this is why the whole crazy Lietuva 2013 idea came to be....Simply missing the ones you love who are thousands of miles away from your heart, and you're just TIRED of being separated from your own flesh and blood, and are just TIRED of missing out on memories that could have been.........
I can only imagine what lies ahead in this crazy beautiful EuroMerica....I mean...
EURO?
America?
LIFE!?!?!?!?
I can't decide which one.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
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