This morning as I was praying, it finally hit me....19 freakin years later.....
As most of you know I am VERY PASSIONATE about music ministry. Words will never be able to describe my heart in this area.....God simply whispered to me...."Stop proving yourself..." I was like, God, wait...what are trying to say, then I realized.......especially this year and ever since God placed the passion of music ministry on my heart 11 long years ago, that I had simply tried to "Prove myself". I just want to apoligize in advance for anything offensive I might say about my views on music ministry. I realized that my whole life I had been trying to musically prove myself to people. That's sad, oh so VERY sad....and was I concious of this fact all the time? yes and no. It sickens me to think what path music ministry in America has taken.
Music ministry means seeing eye level to eye level with the dear brother or sister you're singing your heart out to.....easier said than done! I've met so many freakin bands who say they're all about music ministry (I will resist the temptation to mention any names) and loving Jesus, but their very words are spit on my Lithuanian face. You know what I mean, those of you who get really excited to meet a band, and then as you're talking to them, you can just tell how they think that they are somehow "higher" "better" or "more special" than you. WOW....REALLY!?!?! That REALLY makes me so angry!
Going back to the thought of "proving" myself.....I've noticed this with my passion for worship leading. Do you realize that for most worship bands you have to audition? Obviously, DUH...but seriously, it's sickening to think that you have to "audition to worship Jesus". "Hi, I'm Aiste, and today I'm auditioning to worship Jesus!" That sounds absolutely BRILLIANT, doesn't it? NOT. I know this argument can go both ways and there are a ton of worship bands out there that simply form and no auditions are needed. It just breaks my heart that there are people out there who think they have the right to judge someone's music passion... I remember when God placed the passion of music ministry on my heart like yesterday....oh how my heart has grown and my thoughts and perspectives have changed. Today, I was challenged as I was praying, why do I do what I do? Why do I do music ministry? Is it for MYSELF or is it for GOD? I was simply left speechless at this thought....I remember growing up oh how I struggled with my musical insecurities. I was overwhelmed at this God sized music ministry dream that God had placed on my heart. I can't even begin to number the thoughts of "I'm not good enough...I'm a musical nobody." that I went through throughout this life.... Especially as I got older, and going to all these concerts, meeting all these bands, I questioned to myself if my music ministry even had a chance....and then it HIT ME once again, I love it how God reveals His heart to His beloved dear children at the most unexpected moments of life....Who was I to judge God's music passion that He Himself had placed on my heart? Who was I to say to the creator of the universe, "Jesus, I don't think I can take this passion you've given me, here You go take it back, I don't want it!" and at the very same time Jesus BELIEVES in us! When our dearest Jesus says I BELIEVE IN YOU....HE REALLY MEANS IT!!!! So regardless of how I viewed myself musically or how the world viewed me musically, God has entrusted this musical passion to me. He simply wants me to sing my heart to HIM. Singing to my dearest Jesus. Not trying to impress anyone....EVER. Just being my complete musical self wither people like it or not. If we're not courageous enough to express ourselves musically, and hide our passion forever, WHO EVER WILL? The world is at a HUGE loss if we choose to never share our music ministry hearts....
I realized that my heart for music ministry was simply to love God's people. Especially after being on a mission trip in Macedonia for a month, Jesus shook my world and everything I ever thought about music ministry changed. That is another reflection for another blog post.....Anyways,in my heart I realized, the only way that I was ever going to reach my dear lost brothers and sisters of Europe and throughout the world was how Christ reached me.... Jesus IS PERSONAL. This is how I feel in my heart to approach God's music ministry passion that he has placed on my heart. Being able to sing my heart to the world, then after the music fades, simply taking the time to get to know each beautiful dear brother and sister. REALLY getting to know who they are and their beautiful & unique heart, passions, and dreams in this amazing life....
If our heart motives aren't pure and genuine when it comes to music ministry WHAT IS THE POINT? What is the point of music ministry if at the end of the day, we fail to reach our dear brothers and sisters throughout the world for Christ? WE MUST BE ON THE SAME EYE LEVEL! We are all God's beautiful son's and daughters, who have a "Grazyna Aistra" (beautiful passion) to share with this world that ever so needs it...
As most of you know I am VERY PASSIONATE about music ministry. Words will never be able to describe my heart in this area.....God simply whispered to me...."Stop proving yourself..." I was like, God, wait...what are trying to say, then I realized.......especially this year and ever since God placed the passion of music ministry on my heart 11 long years ago, that I had simply tried to "Prove myself". I just want to apoligize in advance for anything offensive I might say about my views on music ministry. I realized that my whole life I had been trying to musically prove myself to people. That's sad, oh so VERY sad....and was I concious of this fact all the time? yes and no. It sickens me to think what path music ministry in America has taken.
Music ministry means seeing eye level to eye level with the dear brother or sister you're singing your heart out to.....easier said than done! I've met so many freakin bands who say they're all about music ministry (I will resist the temptation to mention any names) and loving Jesus, but their very words are spit on my Lithuanian face. You know what I mean, those of you who get really excited to meet a band, and then as you're talking to them, you can just tell how they think that they are somehow "higher" "better" or "more special" than you. WOW....REALLY!?!?! That REALLY makes me so angry!
Going back to the thought of "proving" myself.....I've noticed this with my passion for worship leading. Do you realize that for most worship bands you have to audition? Obviously, DUH...but seriously, it's sickening to think that you have to "audition to worship Jesus". "Hi, I'm Aiste, and today I'm auditioning to worship Jesus!" That sounds absolutely BRILLIANT, doesn't it? NOT. I know this argument can go both ways and there are a ton of worship bands out there that simply form and no auditions are needed. It just breaks my heart that there are people out there who think they have the right to judge someone's music passion... I remember when God placed the passion of music ministry on my heart like yesterday....oh how my heart has grown and my thoughts and perspectives have changed. Today, I was challenged as I was praying, why do I do what I do? Why do I do music ministry? Is it for MYSELF or is it for GOD? I was simply left speechless at this thought....I remember growing up oh how I struggled with my musical insecurities. I was overwhelmed at this God sized music ministry dream that God had placed on my heart. I can't even begin to number the thoughts of "I'm not good enough...I'm a musical nobody." that I went through throughout this life.... Especially as I got older, and going to all these concerts, meeting all these bands, I questioned to myself if my music ministry even had a chance....and then it HIT ME once again, I love it how God reveals His heart to His beloved dear children at the most unexpected moments of life....Who was I to judge God's music passion that He Himself had placed on my heart? Who was I to say to the creator of the universe, "Jesus, I don't think I can take this passion you've given me, here You go take it back, I don't want it!" and at the very same time Jesus BELIEVES in us! When our dearest Jesus says I BELIEVE IN YOU....HE REALLY MEANS IT!!!! So regardless of how I viewed myself musically or how the world viewed me musically, God has entrusted this musical passion to me. He simply wants me to sing my heart to HIM. Singing to my dearest Jesus. Not trying to impress anyone....EVER. Just being my complete musical self wither people like it or not. If we're not courageous enough to express ourselves musically, and hide our passion forever, WHO EVER WILL? The world is at a HUGE loss if we choose to never share our music ministry hearts....
I realized that my heart for music ministry was simply to love God's people. Especially after being on a mission trip in Macedonia for a month, Jesus shook my world and everything I ever thought about music ministry changed. That is another reflection for another blog post.....Anyways,in my heart I realized, the only way that I was ever going to reach my dear lost brothers and sisters of Europe and throughout the world was how Christ reached me.... Jesus IS PERSONAL. This is how I feel in my heart to approach God's music ministry passion that he has placed on my heart. Being able to sing my heart to the world, then after the music fades, simply taking the time to get to know each beautiful dear brother and sister. REALLY getting to know who they are and their beautiful & unique heart, passions, and dreams in this amazing life....
If our heart motives aren't pure and genuine when it comes to music ministry WHAT IS THE POINT? What is the point of music ministry if at the end of the day, we fail to reach our dear brothers and sisters throughout the world for Christ? WE MUST BE ON THE SAME EYE LEVEL! We are all God's beautiful son's and daughters, who have a "Grazyna Aistra" (beautiful passion) to share with this world that ever so needs it...
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