Sunday, January 4, 2015

That Awkward Moment of Life You're in Eastern Europe 2014 Part 1

To start of this beautiful new year, I thought I would dedicate a blog post to supposed  awkward/funny moments of 2014. You may be wondering, why in the world do you share your awkward life moments for the public eye to see? Well, first  and foremost of all, I truly believe there needs to be more laughter in this world, so I thought I would contribute in a "unique" way. The following you are about to read actually happened, (yeah, you're probably thinking, wow, this girl is SO strange, just when I thought my life was crazy...." So I hope to put a smile to your face, and a laugh to your soul!

That awkward moment of life you're walking the streets of this beautiful life and these 12 young Lithuanian men surround you in a circle. You look to the heaven's and your like Jesus, KODEL? Why do young European men always seem to follow me? What did I do to deserve this torture? Then one of them explains how it is his bachelor's party and he has this task list he must complete, and I can either buy candy from him, give him my number and pretend to be his girlfriend, or kiss him. I roll my eyes and say I would rather do none of those things, then he pleads, almost on his knees, and so you choose the most scandalously adventurous kiss a random young Lithuanian man on the cheek, and his friend takes a picture. And you're thinking to yourself....if all young Lithuanian men are like dear God of heaven...I am SO DONE with that genre of man..... ;) (Pretty much have said this about every European man genre # let' (this pretty much almost tops the Polish proposal awkward moment of 2013)

That awkward moment you decide to carry toilet paper (without a plastic bag to cover it) in public. # LOUD.n.PROUD. # bad.ASS.

That funny moment of life you're listening to this speaker and she says, "In my American life I did my Lithuanian life I did that....." and you just burst out in laughter, and no one else in the room is laughing, and you're thinking to yourself....STORY OF MY LIFE. then you start pacing your room and you're like:
In my AMERICAN life......I listened to that cute Hillsong/Chris Tomlin music,
In my LITHUANIAN life ...I SCREAMED METAL music down the streets of this life like YEAH,
In my American life, I liked European guys,
In my Lithuanian life, I think I actually prefer the American genre,
In my American life, I had crazy punk rocker hair, painted my nails, pierced my ears,
In my Lithuanian life, I had even more crazy back brushed rat's nest dreadlock infested punk rock metal  hair, created holes in my ears and got a tattoo,
In my American life I was known as the gangster, "ICE TEA" "LIPTON" cause that culture could not say the "ė" sound.
In my Lithuanian life I was known as "Aistė".
In my American life people would walk over to me and start speaking Russian or Polish and I would be like "YA LITOVKA". # deceptive.eastern.euro.facial.features.
In my Lithuanian life, people would walk over to me and start speaking Lithuanian..(DUH.) .and occasionally still Russian.
In my American life, I walked the ghetto hood  city streets of Minneapolis ( population 2 million) at myself
In my Lithuanian life, I walked the streets of Polish Woodstock in the myself.....and the sketchy dark streets of Klaipėda late at myself...

and you're thinking to yourself AHMEN to "the art of living a double cultured life." I understand....truly...

That funny moment of life you're at this pizza restaurant with some of your friends, and two of your American bros, they notice you are wearing 4 rings on your fingers. They ask what those rings mean. You tell them you are married to a European, Russian, African and someone from Antarctica, they look at you like "Seriously? you must be joking!" You laugh slightly and explain how in Eastern Europe it's ever so normal to do such things. # Lithuanian.culture.shock.

That awkward moment of life one of your students is staring at you. You then give him your "Lietuvė death stare" (For those of you who know what that is, I assure if you've experienced it, you will have nightmares before you fall asleep) and he then whispers to his friend, probably like, "OMG, that teacher, she was like staring at me".

That moment of life you introduce yourself to the class, and you're like "Labas, my name is Aistė, I'm Lithuanian-American", and they look at you like, "what the hell, that cannot be possible!  How can you be two nationalities at once?" and you smile and think to yourself, "Ahmen.....Taip. that genre of woman EXISTS."

That funny moment of life you are talking with a friend during the Christmas program, and one of your Theology professor's walks over. Your friend explains how your are talking about Christian metal music, and your professor proceeds to banging his head like a metalist, and you look to the sky, and you think to yourself, "Ahmen, Jesus I waited my whole life to witness this moment".

That moment of life you link arms with your dearest Ukrainian sister at the Christmas market skipping happily around and you explain to her that you are wildly artistic with no practicality, and she explains how she is practical. and you say how you both should start a business which features metal wine red lipstick, you know combining the artistic and the practical.... ;)

That random moment of life you are standing outside of Loftas after the Skillet concert in Vilnius and this young Lithuanian man taps you almost under the armpit, smiles, winks, and disappears into the Lithuanian miškas. You're assuming he probably liked your tattoo, then you make a joke with your friends, how in America the young men tap women on the shoulders....but in Europe...the young European man.....taps women near the armpit....very culturally fitting. ;) AHMEN. what I expected from day one. # true.character.revealed.

That haunting poetic of life  moment you scream the Russian song "My Heart" down the hallway.

That awkward moment of life you eat ice cream in the middle of winter IN LITHUANIAN PUBLIC.

That funny moment of life you walk into a coffeeshop, and you forget to turn off your metal music on your iphone, and the barista  gives you that look "are you serious, someone as vintage as you with wine red lipstick and curly hair listens to THAT music?" and you smile and roll your eyes and think....LOOKS can be quite deceiving. I am a vintage metalist. My own hipster metal style....

That awkward moment of life you walk barefoot IN LITHUANIAN PUBLIC.

That moment of life, people won't stop knocking on your door and you loudly say, "The NEXT young LCC man to knock on my door, I WILL PUT YOU IN A CARDBOARD BOX, DUCK TAPE IT, AND SHIP YOU TO SIBERIA ETERNALLY!!!". Then the knocking stops. # woman.power.

(to be continued........)

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