Fatherless

A metaphorical/poetic illusion of an unforgettable experience.

I promised you I would go,
I stood at the midnight black iron gate
millions of voices all around me,
shouting,
crying out
pushing me to the right
throwing me to the left,
in endless circles I found myself dizzily spinning, holding on for my dear life
and so I entered,
I felt the demons of hell break loose,
the spirits of torment and darkness enclosed my soul,
on the outside she was dressed so beautiful,
as if she were an angel from heaven,
but I could see behind her mask,
my heart broke so desperately for her,
I could see a little girl who wasn't truly loved and appreciated by her father,
I saw a young man, dressed in his finest tuxedo,
quite handsome,
as if he was the prince of some foreign land,
but behind the facade,
I saw a boy who grew up with alcoholic parents,
who had his heart broken, and was searching for someone to love him for who he was,
my knees started to shake,
the tears slowly stared to fall from my face,
I saw so many stories of brokenness,
hopelessness,
depression,
loneliness,
suicidal attempts,
the scars on her wrist that were attempted to be hidden by her black lace dress,
the dripping fingerprints of delusional spirits on the dirty counter top,
and admist all this, I could see myself, feeling their pain in my heart,
it was if the angels of heaven and the demons of hell were at war with each other,
and I stood in the middle of it,
being torn apart,
so THIS is my generation,
this is what I missed out on the past 20 some years of my life,
there was no shock,
only accepted reality,
it was what I expected,
nothing less,
nothing more,
and as I walked out of the gates of  what I thought was hell,
I fell on my knees and just cried out to God to break my heart for my most beautiful and dearly loved Lithuanian generation....

Song inspiration: "Fatherless" by For Today...I pray for those who can relate to this song. <3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi_nzZrBoK8

Here's to my desire to remember what he left.
But, there was no time for sentiment as he took his final breath.
I was not too broken to hope for a helping hand, but I had to fight to find it.
Eight years old is too young to become a man; I left my hope behind me.
I was just another angry kid, growing up without a dad.
So I sold my soul for the highest bid, to get the love I never had.

Tell me who I am.
A kid that turned to the world for identity.
I can hardly stand.
Trying to find myself, I confined myself.
Now I've come to see, it was never "me" I was looking for…
It was always Him, it was always Him.

Born from a broken home.
When my father died, I was left to find my way through life alone.
Left on my own, I put my pain on display as I fought with hatred and rage.
No son should ever have to face the world without the love of his father.
I faced the world alone.
I had no one to run to, and everything to run from.
I had no one to run to, and everything to run from.
I buried my hope in the ground.
Drowning, with no one to pull me out, sinking inside my head.

I was just another angry kid growing up without a dad,
So I sold my soul for the highest bid to get the love I never had.

Tell me who I am.
A kid that turned to the world for identity.
I can hardly stand.
Trying to find myself, I confined myself.
Now I've come to see, it was never "me" I was looking for…
It was always Him, it was always Him.

Tell me who I am.
I can hardly stand.
Now I've come to see, it was never "me" I was looking for…
It was always Him, it was always Him.