Lately so many things have been on my mind. As this Lietuva Passion 2013 year continues, slowly, but steadily moving forward, I have lots of questions about life that I pray one day there will be an answer too. If not in this beautiful life, then one soon day in heaven with my dearest Jesus.
One question that haunts my soul to no other is what my life would have been like if I would have grown up in Lithuania and if my parents never came to America due to Russian communism. That thought just kills me....
The.Lithuanian.Lithuanian.Me. I think about it, and I know that I would have not had a relationship with Jesus. I would have this view of God like the majority of the world has, some historical figure, who is irrelevant in today's society. I also would be speaking Lithuanian and Russian, and learning to speak English. The passion for Christian music would have not even existed. I would have been like, "So, what exactly is Christian music?" I probably would have discovered some other genre of music. I don't think I would have been outgoing, since the seriousness of a European lifestyle would have got in the way. I might have had a little artistic side, but I don't think I'd be bold enough to dress colorful like I do here in America. I wouldn't have had such a passion to love my dear brothers, sisters, and friends. I probably would be loving, but not to the extend as I do now with loving Jesus. The nightmare in the back of my mind, which would have been reality, I wouldn't have met YOU, yes you my dearest brother or sister, and I can't even begin to imagine my life without having met such a beautiful soul as yourself. It's always been a struggle wondering what the "Lost 20 Lietuva Years" could have been like.
I'm so thankful to have grown up here for a while, this is where I accepted Jesus as my savior. My passions for European/Russian music missions and my dearest brothers, sisters, and friends, dressing very colorfully, being artistic, and having quite the outgoing American influenced personality....It's been such a blessing. Everyday, God reveals more and more to me, why He desired for me to grow up in America for part of my life. So it is slowly starting to make sense...kind of. I question why He chose me out of all my Lithuanian relatives. Like honestly, this whole life I have now, came SO CLOSE to not even being, dearest friend, you'll never even begin to know....
So if you ever wonder why I'm so passionate for reaching my dearest European/Russian generation for Christ, it's BECAUSE, I could have been one of them! I know there is at least a handful if not more dear souls in my generation who have this situation in which there parents fled from their home country, and started a new life in America, but had to leave their relatives behind. I honestly think that it's a unique situation to have grown up in, but most of society really doesn't understand what it means to be in these circumstances.
I feel in my heart its at least part of my responsibility to tell my dearest brothers and sisters about Jesus love for them and what He did on the Cross, so they can become all that God has called them to be and fufill their passions, visions and dreams that God has placed on their heart. It agonizes my heart to see my European/Russian generation searching for truth, for a hope in their heart, for purpose, for meaning as to what this beautiful life is all about. I can't just sit and not share what Jesus has put on my heart....
So as these last 6 1/2 months of my life in America come to a close, I am SO FREAKIN EXCITED to begin this new Lithuanian chapter of my life, it's seriously LONG overdue, like I left my heart in Macedonia, and I physically came back to the U.S., but I need to find my heart once again, cause it's somewhere lost in Europe....it will be sad to leave my American life behind, but I can't be in two worlds at once unfortunately.
It will always be this beautiful war of two worlds, that somehow I'll just have to learn to embrace....
One question that haunts my soul to no other is what my life would have been like if I would have grown up in Lithuania and if my parents never came to America due to Russian communism. That thought just kills me....
The.Lithuanian.Lithuanian.Me. I think about it, and I know that I would have not had a relationship with Jesus. I would have this view of God like the majority of the world has, some historical figure, who is irrelevant in today's society. I also would be speaking Lithuanian and Russian, and learning to speak English. The passion for Christian music would have not even existed. I would have been like, "So, what exactly is Christian music?" I probably would have discovered some other genre of music. I don't think I would have been outgoing, since the seriousness of a European lifestyle would have got in the way. I might have had a little artistic side, but I don't think I'd be bold enough to dress colorful like I do here in America. I wouldn't have had such a passion to love my dear brothers, sisters, and friends. I probably would be loving, but not to the extend as I do now with loving Jesus. The nightmare in the back of my mind, which would have been reality, I wouldn't have met YOU, yes you my dearest brother or sister, and I can't even begin to imagine my life without having met such a beautiful soul as yourself. It's always been a struggle wondering what the "Lost 20 Lietuva Years" could have been like.
I'm so thankful to have grown up here for a while, this is where I accepted Jesus as my savior. My passions for European/Russian music missions and my dearest brothers, sisters, and friends, dressing very colorfully, being artistic, and having quite the outgoing American influenced personality....It's been such a blessing. Everyday, God reveals more and more to me, why He desired for me to grow up in America for part of my life. So it is slowly starting to make sense...kind of. I question why He chose me out of all my Lithuanian relatives. Like honestly, this whole life I have now, came SO CLOSE to not even being, dearest friend, you'll never even begin to know....
So if you ever wonder why I'm so passionate for reaching my dearest European/Russian generation for Christ, it's BECAUSE, I could have been one of them! I know there is at least a handful if not more dear souls in my generation who have this situation in which there parents fled from their home country, and started a new life in America, but had to leave their relatives behind. I honestly think that it's a unique situation to have grown up in, but most of society really doesn't understand what it means to be in these circumstances.
I feel in my heart its at least part of my responsibility to tell my dearest brothers and sisters about Jesus love for them and what He did on the Cross, so they can become all that God has called them to be and fufill their passions, visions and dreams that God has placed on their heart. It agonizes my heart to see my European/Russian generation searching for truth, for a hope in their heart, for purpose, for meaning as to what this beautiful life is all about. I can't just sit and not share what Jesus has put on my heart....
So as these last 6 1/2 months of my life in America come to a close, I am SO FREAKIN EXCITED to begin this new Lithuanian chapter of my life, it's seriously LONG overdue, like I left my heart in Macedonia, and I physically came back to the U.S., but I need to find my heart once again, cause it's somewhere lost in Europe....it will be sad to leave my American life behind, but I can't be in two worlds at once unfortunately.
It will always be this beautiful war of two worlds, that somehow I'll just have to learn to embrace....
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