Today was one of those unusual days...in my life...if you know what I mean...I sensed that a letter I sent a few days ago had FINALLY been read by the person whose eyes much needed to know the truth in love...it was the day where I sat down by my piano, for the first time in many, many, many long months and composed a few lines worth of music for some songs I had written recently...It was the day the melodies, the lyrics...just came to me...It was the day, I would never look at my passion for Christian music the same way again...It was the day....I FINALLY Woke Up....
I realized that an autograph was JUST an autograph...whether it be a signature of my best friend or some famous musician...it was just a stupid insignificant permanent black marking on burnable paper...Since I've been involved with the Christian music world for the past 10 years, it was quite the reality to wake up to. It's obvious a musician is a normal person like everyone else...You're like DUH Aiste...DUH...but I mean it REALLY HIT ME today...like a cool refreshing stream of water sliding down my face...Growing up I was always that crazy music girl who couldn't wait to get that autograph from that musician that inspired me SO MUCH...But there was always something inside of me that thought how insignificant the whole black marking was...I realized that at the end of the day I didn't remember this insignificant black marking but the genuine kindness of how the musician related to me...that's what mattered to me...I remember those beautiful heart touching words they spoke into my life...I don't think they realize how much those precious words of wisdom ever meant to me...
I remember back in March going to this IHOP (International House Of Prayer) Conference in Minnesota, and there was an opportunity for me to be prophisized over. By the term "Prophisized over" It's not as scary as it sounds... basically there were a few strong Christians who had the proven biblical gift of prophecy and they spoke into your life and said how God was going to use you...Sometimes they are dead on right, other times it is a more vague response....So this one young man who propisized over me said that he saw "A huge spiritual breakthrough" that was going to come into my life through prayer...He said I knew exactly what that mean...I pondered this revelation for quite some time, many MONTHS, and I believe today was the day this spiritual breakthrough in prayer hit me...smack in the face...I realized that for the past 10 years of me being involved in Christian music, I have always been the bystander, you know going to concerts and WATCHING musicians speak into other people's lives...and by 10 years I mean it was SERIOUSLY a GOOD 10 years of an ENDLESS amount of Christian concerts...so many I've lost count of the number of Christian concerts I've been to. It's all good and everything but this summer I started feeling this emptiness as I went to concerts...it was like I've been doing the exact same thing for the past 10 years...same old...same old...don't get me wrong every new Christian concert is always AMAZING and I take something valuable away and my heart is changed in some positive way....but I felt God was TELLING ME something here....I believe he was saying to me that Aiste, you've been WATCHING these Christian concerts for the past 10 years and WATCHING musicians speak into peoples lives...now my Child...it is YOUR Turn....YOU...yes YOU....believe it or not...are going to be that musician who is going to be SPEAKING into other peoples lives...your days of standing on the sideline and WATCHING are ABSOLUTELY OVER my dear blessed child....Was I freaked out by this revelation you may ask? Um...to be honest I saw this one coming....I knew that day where God would tell me to start taking my music life VERY SERIOUSLY was coming....So today I prayed to God, accepting his challenge that he had put in front of me telling him how I was SO SICK of just watching this music thing and that I was SO READY to start this passionate music ministry dream that he had placed on my heart...
Overall, I'm not going to lie the Christian music world is great and all but, in some aspects it left me VERY DISAPPOINTED. At the end of the day, a music industry is a music industry whether it be Christian or Secular...bands need to make money in order to support their dream...traveling on the road 24/7 isn't all cute and happy as it sounds...I'm not trying to be a dream crusher here, just stating what I've realized. I very much appreciate those bands in the Christian music industry who connect to every person in a personal way and those who SPECIFICALLY TELL YOU themselves that they wish they had more time to talk with you about your life and get to know you...those musicians have realized what the TRUE meaning of life is.... I forever will appreciate them...It breaks my heart that I may NEVER get to know them on a more personal level but at least I know their intentions of their hearts...on the other side of things for those musicians who are involved in the Christian music world, who do the whole music thing, let the FAME get to their head, and think they are TOO COOL to be friends with someone as "lowly" as you....they DESERVE to have their lawns forked in JESUS NAME....they are a FREAKIN joke and I hope their band personally fails in every aspect of life until they realize this true meaning of life...I know that may sound quite rude, but you know what? I DON"T CARE. It's the truth...DEAL WITH IT. I'm not one to sugar coat how I feel about things that are very near and dear and passionately very close to my heart...
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