Monday, March 3, 2014

The Day I Kissed Worship Music Goodbye

I don't recall the last time my spirit soared
The last time I felt free
the last time the smile on my face wasn't forced
the last time my tears will real
and came from the honesty of my heart........

It's hard to exactly explain what happened, God knows why...exactly, word for word, melody line for melody line, lyric for lyric.......I would say it gradually started to build over the past couple years of my life.....the more I immersed myself with ministry and missions in Europe....the cries of my heart kept getting stronger and stronger....louder and louder and more desperate with each plea.

As I saw broken humanity all around me, looking into their beautifully lost eyes, each precious soul, each unique and original story, something in my heart was so deeply touched, ever so deeply moved in a way that can never be altered...

My desire for my people to know Jesus became SO GREAT and SO REAL, I couldn't merely sing a reflective worship song, and hope they would hear but rather I wanted to SCREAM about Jesus' love for them. Not the kind of screaming that frightens or discomforts, but rather a passionately loving scream within the desperate aching of my own heart and soul for my people to know Jesus for who He truly is......

And one day I simply woke up, and from that day forward the screaming never stopped. The desperation didn't cease.....

I look back over my life, and smile gratefully at the place my dearest Jesus has brought me too. This wasn't an over night musical/spiritual process, but rather evidence of my walk with Jesus that He was changing my heart for the past 10 years......I look at what it took to get to this place of  screaming and metal core, and it's such a treasure to me....so precious....so priceless....

I still do enjoy a nice reflective worship song here and there....but I would say that was more of who I was between the ages of 8-18.......to say that this is who I am now would be a lie.......I will forever appreciate that sweet season of my life that God let me musically experience, but for now my musical cries, or shall I say screams, are now drowning in a see of metal core...ever so lovely.....ever so passionate...ever so deep......ever so desperate......for a Jesus, for a God who I desire everyone to know. <3 

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