WOW, I can't believe in a month and a half, I'll already be done with my freshman year of college at North Central University...Words cannot describe how beautiful this year of life has been....
A few days ago, I FINALLY switched my major worship leading...You may be thinking,....really? People switch their majors all the time, it's no big deal...behind those words lies a story, a life, ,a vision, a dream, a passion. To put it simply, at this point in my life, this is where my heart is at. I can't bear the thought of lying there in my bed before I fall asleep just thinking of that Russian girl my age walking the streets of Moscow, her heart suffering, she's in a broken relationship, wanting someone to love her back. Or the Lithuanian guy searching for meaning and purpose in his life, every day just waking up and not having a passion to live life anymore. Those thoughts keep my passion in check.
When it comes to missions, the first continent that pops into society's mind is Africa or perhaps Asia or the middle east. There's no sugar coating this, but Europe and Russia are DYING. Their spirituality and passion to live for Christ are long gone. How can I just stay in the overflowlingly blessed Christian country of America and pursue a "normal" life? I've realized the so called "American Dream" IS SO NOT ME...I honestly don't care about having the nicest house, car or financially savvy job....ESPECIALLY with the passion of worship leading that God has placed on my heart, FINANCES? LOL, WHAT FINANCES? This was probably one of the most controversial aspects growing up. I remember talking to people and they were like "How are you going to make a living with worship leading, are you in right mind?!?!?!" I can't even begin to tell you how much my worship arts passion was burned through the fire by society. Honestly the answer to this finance question is....I simply don't know....It's all in God's hands...This response I know makes quite a few people feel uncomfortable. We're so used to being secure, comfortable, we forget how BIG a God we serve. We underestimate His power. I remember in highschool my teachers and classmates and friends asked me what I was going to do when I went to college.....Back then I said I was going to major in teaching english as a foreign language and minor in worship leading.MINOR IN WORSHIP LEADING? LOL....oh the white lies we tell people just to blend in with the rest of society... I was ashamed to admit that my true "lowly financial passion" in life was worship leading....WHY was I so ashamed to tell my fellow teachers, classmates, and friends from highschool where my heart really was? I honestly think it was because "Worship Leading" from where I was from, was absolutely UNHEARD of. I remember all my classmates saying how they were going to major in some prestigious degree, wither it be Chemistry, math, biology, nursing, doctor, or lawyer....I felt like the town I was from looked down upon worship leading. I felt like they considered it to be a "degree of low and non prestigious status.." and you know what I think to this day? I. Don't. Freakin. Care. Society needs to once again WAKE UP and realize that this world is SPIRITUALLY DYING, and we can't just sit on our cute American butts, living our cute American lives, driving our cute American cars, eating our fat cute American food, and live in our cute American house thinking that "someone else, that's not me" is going to reach the rest of this LOST WORLD for Jesus.
I have a confession to make, to all my classmates in highschool, the whole academic thing was SO not me. If you knew the academic HELL I went through you would have not lived to see graduation day. I was under enormous pressure, and growing up in a small freakin town where everyone expected you to be this great smart a** academic someone, it was a joke. If I could do it all over again, I would have not been so overly focused on stupid academics. Don't me wrong, doing well, getting all A's in school is WONDERFUL, if you're that type of person. If YOU yourself would have been under the stupid academic situation I'm sure you would have thought differently as well. Also, just to let you know I HATE SCIENCE. I HATE MATH. Sorry, but that's so not me.SURPRISE. =P God hasn't called me to be a scholar in those areas (Thank God, I would have seriously died) and I'm completely fine with that.
Do you want to know where my heart is truly at? God gave me the passion of Christian music on my heart when I accepted Him for the very first time into my heart when I was 8 years old. Going to Sonshine Festival and Lifelight Festival (Christian music festivals) for the past 7 years ever since I was 12 is what really ignited my passion for worship leading. How could I ever forget and disown those nights standing in the middle of a Skillet mosh pit with tears streaming down my face as John Cooper sang the song "Last Night" or "Yours To Hold"? How could I just quietly move on after standing outside on a warm sunset evening crying out to God singing "By Your Side", and "Hold My Heart" as Tenth Avenue North, Mike Donehey sang words of truth into my life....How could I just toss this thought off my shoulders after hearing Dawn's testimony ( Lead singer of Fireflight) share her heart and me realizing for the first time in my life my freshman summer that God, doesn't expect me to be perfect and having the chains of perfectionism fall off from my life? How can I just merely smile at those too many to count Christian concert experiences and just move on? I honestly wish you could have been there with me to experience every Christian music concert I went to, so you'd realize why my passion for worship leading and music ministry IS SO STRONG. Those experiences changed my life.....my heart...and the VERY essence and breath of who I am......
My heart's desire is to reach my lost generation of European's and Russians for Jesus through music ministry.......
I'm so glad I FINALLY WOKE UP to the passion God placed in my heart. It took me almost 19 years....Yes, it will be financially risky, adventurously unpredictable, and it's DEFINITELY not prestigious in society's eyes....but in Christ's eyes knowing the peace inside my heart realizing I'm where He wants me to be....that in itself is worth waking up to every day for the rest of my life....<3
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