It Was Worth It Part 2

I look back on how life has been radically shaken these 8 past months,
I find myself standing admist the Baltic Sea,
I've had my share of disappointments, fears, failures, hells, and heavens,
.........but I realize in my heart....................I wouldn't change a single thing............
Every judgement, every mocking laugh, everyone who turned away,
as I stare into the vibrant orange gleaming sunset,
I fall to my knees and cry out to my dearest Jėzus,
YOU ARE SO WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the sacrifice to be here on precious Lietuva soil I realized was TOO GREAT,
but as the tears stream from my face,
as I look into the heavens.........
How much greater was your sacrifice on the cross Jėzus?................
For my OWN flesh and blood to know you Jėzus,
EVERYDAY. IS. WORTH. IT.

Every beautiful soul that you created heavenly Father, was SO WORTH meeting, over the past 8 months, past summer, past year, and all the former years of my life thus far,

Each beautiful, unique, and original walking story.......
Those glimmering Baltic eyes............NEVER will I FORGET.........how WORTH IT....how TRULY WORTH IT....it is..........

My prayer over dearest Lietuva: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgxpMofUYIE

It's the BLIND leading the BLIND Pt.1

“It’s the blind leading the blind leading the blind to their demise….” (For Today) if there is one phrase that could summarize my life after being back in Lithuania for almost a year that would be it. I would like to take the time to HONESTLY reflect what I have experienced and how God has worked in my life and what He has revealed to me. I also want to say straight forward, what I am about to write WILL NOT be politically correct. If you have a problem with language and open mindness, this reflection is not for you. 

This whole concept of being “BLIND”. I thought I would be immune to spiritual and cultural blindness but I am not as I realized this past year living in Lithuania. First I would like to address the issue of music ministry.  In my opinion, there are two types of musicians in the world:  the stuck up snot assholes, or the humble ones. That’s it.  Unfortunately, for the past 12 years of my life, I have met one too many musical assholes, to put it bluntly…. One of MY GREATEST PET PEEVES is when a supposed “Christian” musician sings about “God” on stage, seems all warm and welcoming but once they set foot off stage, they’re such a SHITTY person to the people who look up to them. They are arrogant and prideful.  We as Christians have created SUCH AN EMBARASSING music ministry scene for ourselves. It’s absolutely disgusting. Five years ago, I would not have had the courage to say these words straight forward, but since I’ve been surrounded by music ministry ever since I was 8 years old, I think the time has come to play the “Devil’s Advocate” within the music scene who claims to be Christian.  

I wouldn’t say every musician is like this. I have met very few musicians who claim to be Christian that I believe actually live up to the true standard of how it’s supposed to be.  I mean, let’s be REALLY HONEST, I challenge you, how are you living your life for Christ? Are you setting a true Christian example within the music, art, and daily life scene? Can people tell you passionately love God?  I think we as Christians within the music ministry scene and daily lives REALLY NEED TO CLEAN UP OUR ACT. I say these exact words over myself as well, I’m not just preaching to the choir or so to speak.  I remember growing up, I looked up to A LOT of Christian musicians and aspired to be just like them one day. Now imagine this, one day you turn 17 years old, and your realize one of your greatest musical inspirations was a TOTAL LIE. Do we even realize how our actions influence those around us? Or are we merely blind?!

Another thing I’ve noticed…the stark contrasting differences between the Christian music scene in America verse Europe. I could say at one point, America was doing a good job and repping the scene, nowdays, it’s a total embarrassment, not every band, but most of them. That’s one of the reasons I decided to move back to my home country of Lietuva. I was sick of the Christian music scene in that country. I really like Europe when it comes to music ministry because or most people in this part of the world, music from a Christian perspective is NEW. Worship leading is NEW. I prefer to be in places of the world where new never before music ministry movements are starting. After observing Europe’s interpretation of music from a Christian perspective, I can tell they are obviously quite new to it. They have a very LONG way to go compared to America, it’s not hopeless, and that is why I am here…to somehow help offer my loving perspective. I say this in the most kindest way. From the bottom of my heart, I REALLY DO BELIEVE in the potential of music ministry in Europe, but it is going to take a lot of spiritual discipline, and changing of old and traditional cultural mindset in order for Europe’s new Christian music scene to experience its greatest awakening.

Going back to the concept of blindness, I question to myself, have my own actions throughout my life led people astray? Or have I led the people in my life closer to God? I’m SO CONVICTED  by that. This past Sunday in church, one phrase that really spoke to my heart  was “The second we decide to JUDGE someone we officially close the door to LEARN anything more about them”…”Following God is a LEARNING PROCESS.” This phrase is SO TRUE. How many times have we judged someone and forever slammed the door in their face? I know I have one too many times.  How many times have people done that to me? One too many as well.  If we as Christians strive to live up to God’s fullest potential, we MUST be WILLING TO LEARN ABOUT OTHERS, just like we relentlessly learn about God, so we must do that to others. 

  Our spiritual and cultural blindness IS truly blind. And we are blindly leading others as well wither we like that reality or not. When I choose to judge someone or make a false accusation or assumption about them wither it be culturally or spiritually that’s when the BLINDNESS starts to infect and disease our very hearts, souls, bodies, and minds. We live in a culture that is INFECTED and DISEASED with BLINDNESS. I mean, every day, let’s be honest, how many of us make daily judgments and assumptions about others that we do not know for certain are true? To put it simply my own blindness will be the death of me, and his or her own blindness will be the death of them. We MUST make every effort to live in the light of God’s truth and OVERCOME this BLINDNESS.

To be continued. 

Inspired by the following song by For Today: Break the Cycle

This is IMPOSSIBLE! I CAN'T do this!

If there's two words that don't exist in my vocabulary its the words "IMPOSSIBLE" & "CAN'T".
I simply choose NOT to believe in such words.
I would like to write a response to those people who do believe in such words and say these words to others that make them feel discouraged and want to give up on their visions and dreams.
I don't know what bitterness scarred your soul as a child,
but seriously what kind of person are YOU to be SO rude and insensitive to your very own flesh and blood?
Do you realize how deep your words scar our hearts and souls?
Do you take pleasure and delight in bringing others down, and crushing their spirits?
Do you have a sick joy in your heart realizing that your discouragement is ruining God given passion, visions, and dreams? Does that just make you smile?
Really?
What kind of person are you to be SO HEARTLESS?!?!?!?!

If you want living proof that God still does miracles of the impossible today,
talk to me.
Seriously.
I have seen God come through in ways that are NOT humanly possible.
I have seen healings that SHOULDN'T"T be physically possible.
I have seen God unite humanity in communities that shouldn't have the possibility to exist.
God has put  beautiful and inspiring people in my path of life, that was completely His Divine coincidence, and not my own doing that radically impacted and changed me to who I am today.

I have been in that place where I heard the insults of those around me.
Saying that I "can't" do this,
or this passion, vision, or dream is truly "impossible"
or the sickening shit of "you'll never learn that language"
and yeah let's be honest, those mocking insults that come from such narrow minded people hurt like hell.
They don't realize the own poisonous venom of their deathly lifeless words.

IF I LOVE JESUS NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH HIM. EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

What kind of IDIOT  does one have to be to be so negative and depressing towards someone?

If I am living proof that Jesus has come through so powerfully in my life, who is someone to say to me the words "can't" or "impossible"?

Mere jealously?.....................................................................................................................................

Because God has literally come through EVERY situation in my life that I thought would be impossible.
and He continues to do so EVERY DAY. and HE WILL NOT STOP.
SO WHO ARE YOU TO STOP ME?
Cause guess what?
 I NEVER WILL.
NEVER.
NEVER.
NEVER.

All your insults, slaps on my face, every poisonous word, I will shield with the words of the true living Son of God, and rise above the impossibilities and "can't's of this life".

I'm that type of personality, if someone says I can't do something or that my vision or dream is impossible, I like to personally "slap them back in the face" (Metaphorically speaking of course!) and PROVE THEM WRONG. I like to then shut their mouths by showing them it IS TRULY POSSIBLE WITH GOD, and then leaving them speechless with nothing left to say. If it has to be done to such extreme measures such as this, I will do it with no regrets. 

Since I myself have experienced those feelings of discouragement and worthlessness, I choose NOT to be like those people who crush others dreams, hearts and souls. I choose to be that light for Jesus that ENCOURAGES, INSPIRES,  & AWAKENS, others hearts back to life, so we can all together pursue God's vision for our lives.

Sincerely,
~Aistė Miškinytė

Fire In Your Eyes

I'll never forget that day,
That realization of life that unfolded before my very eyes.
He said to me, The day you lose the fire in your eyes and the soul in your smile, is the day your life officially ends".....
I remember I smiled, almost laughed, and I let his words lightly sink in.
As I got older, I realized how true his words were.
As I looked around me, I saw all these people....going somewhere......
and his words continue to resonate in the back of my mind,
I saw people who had lost that fire in their eyes,
and my heart felt so broken for them,
I promised that it would never happen to me,
and as I continued to get older,
the fight against flesh and the spirit grew stronger,
in a self destructing world,
I can honestly say there were very dark times in my life where the fire in my eyes was lost,
the fire was challenged,
put through burning trials that tested the very heart and soul of who I was,
but something deep in my soul knew that I had to keep this fire alive,
even if it was only a tiny spark that could be diminished with a single tear drop on my face,
even if it meant I would have to stand all alone through too many dark hours,
I knew that if I let this fire die once and for all,
all hope would be lost,
and HOPE must NEVER  be lost in the loving arms of God,
as I saw this broken world around me,
I knew I simply couldn't stay silent,
this fire that God gave me,
must passionately burn for this beautiful world to see.....

Thoughts on VISION

After attending the History Makers conference in Lietuva several weeks ago, I felt inspired to write about one of my favorite passions in life.....VISION. I pray that this following reflection would be an encouragement to those of you dearest friends who are still in search of your God inspired vision and for those of you who already know what your vision is.....

Looking back on my life, I feel like God's vision has always been upon me in some way. When I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was 8 years old for the very first time, I'll never forget that was the day He placed the passion of Christian music on my heart. God began inspiring me through creative melodies and lyrics at a very young age.  Between the ages of 10-17 I eat, breathed, and sleeped Christian music festivals. I went to at least 2 Christian music festivals per summer during those ages, which I can honestly say, HEAVILY influenced me in my music ministry passion. An endless amount of concerts, I can't even count.  When I was 15 I remember visiting my relatives in Lithuania. God tore my heart apart. That is when He placed the passion of Eastern European missions/ministry/evangelism on my heart. My heart started to break for all my dearest Lithuanians who didn't know Jesus as their personal Savior. So take these two passions Jesus, Lietuva & music ministry...and you get......what?.....exactly....hmmmm.......

I believe that is one way from my personal experience how God can show you His vision for your life. Take the time to evaluate those things in your life that you are truly passionate about, those dreams in your heart that you would rather DIE than have them not come true.

Furthermore, from personal experience I believe as God is developing His vision for you, He can also change it depending on the experiences you go through and the people you meet in your life.For example, about 2-3 years before I moved back to Lietuva, God placed the passion on my heart to start some sort of version of what I like to call "Hillsong Lietuva"...believe it or not.......then one morning I woke up and He was like, "Aiste, you're going to start a Lithuanian metal core band".......just kidding not literally like that......I would say a turning point in my vision development was at my Steiger Missions School in Germany summer 2013. God turned my world upside down. I'll never forget literally walking through the German forests and fields where not a single human soul could be found, simply seeking God with a desperate heart asking for His will for my life. Many endless hours of prayer happened there. I knew during that time that I wanted to start some sort of music ministry in Lietuva, but I didn't know the exact specific details or even genre at the time. To make the situation even MORE ridiculous, during that time of my life, I didn't even know if I was EVER going to move back to Lithuania. It was a very spiritually challenging time in my life that brought me to my knees.  As my dear brothers and sisters at my missions school were ever so kindly praying for me, and as I continued to seek God and pray and pray and pray and pray until I couldn't pray anymore......He Firstly revealed to me that moving back to Lithuania in fact, WAS His will, (I'll never forget sharing my testimony at SMS the day I found out, I believe it was July 26th when I found out....) then Secondly He revealed to me that I should start a Christian metal core band, once I got to Lithuania............I kept praying afterwards to confirm that these things were truly HIS WILL and not of my own doing, and He kept confirming over and over that this was meant to be........

Also, when I was at the Steiger Missions School, I had the blessing to talk with a RIDICULOUS amount of people from Germany, Poland, Lithuania, Czech Republic, New Zealand, Austrailia, Brazil, U.S.A., Finland, U.K, Ukraine, Russia and all over the world. After hearing all of their stories, my heart felt so touched and broken for humanity, that is in search of Jesus. I had the privledge to also discover various Christian metal bands from Brazil, Ukraine, Germany, Poland.....and during that time period of my life, for some reason that genre of music resonated with my heart and all the people's stories which solidified the choice of genre for my future music ministry in Lietuva.

I wouldn't say my life was always like this. I vividly remember as a child, up until I was about 15....I read more than I talked. I was afraid of everyone, and I hated talking with people. (For those of you who know me, I know you find this IMPOSSIBLE to believe....but it's true...Somehow, by a miracle, God gave me my "voice" when I was about 16.....I started meeting people like CRAZY at the Christian music festivals I would go to....I started having goals and joked with my friends that I planned on meeting literally "the entire music festival".......cough cough...and let's just say having this goal throughout my life has made me meet quite some interesting people, that has forever changed an altered my life including musicians, bands, artists, hipsters, metal heads, every genre of people you can imagine......So I would say for the past 7 years of my life, God has really used my passion of talking and getting to really know my generation for His glory.

Another keypoint I want to address is Satan's attack. When God is is formulating His vision for your life, there will be GREAT SPIRITUAL OPPOSITION. Let's be honest, Satan wants you to give up on your vision and destroy your life. Everyday, we must rise to the challenge and resist his flaming arrows, through prayer and being in Christian community. I can't even count the times on my fingers of how I wanted to give up on my music ministry passion on vision.Some days I wanted to take my guitar and just through it out the 5 story window and be done. Imagine with me for a second, if God were to reveal to you RIGHT NOW in your heart the ENTIRE future of the vision He has for your life, and that He would show you  EVERY SINGLE PERSON who will accept Jesus as their Savior because of your faithfulness in NOT GIVING UP in your ministry..........with this thought in mind dearest friend, I think we wouldn't even consider the possibility of giving up on our God given vision if we truly knew the impact we were going to have on humanity through Christ.

When Satan and the world STRANGLES you and your God given vision, YOU MUST FIGHT BACK. Don't let Satan or the world suffocate you with their lies. Yes, it will be HELLISHLY hard to reach the finish line, but for God's glory HE WILL give you the strength if you ask Him and seek Him with a desperate heart.

I was chatting with one of my dearest sisters, the other evening, just pouring out my heart at how discouraged I was with my music ministry vision. I honestly wanted to give up. I told her that I just felt like such an idiot with this Christian metal core music ministry and that the world and my own friends were laughing at me and my "foolishness"......She reassuredly told me that God was not done with this vision, and that in HIS PERFECT timing everything would fall into place. She reminded me that it didn't matter what other people thought, and I was reminded that GOD DOESN"T GIVE IRRELEVANT DREAMS ONLY RELEVANT ONES. I told her that God was going to have to pull an "EZEKIEL" and literally make "something out of nothing" as I say and literally take dry bones and turn them into flesh, into real human beings...as in the case of finding metal minded band members.......I was reminded that the another KEY in developing God's vision for your life is perseverance and prayer. During the dry seasons of vision, we must keep pursing God and keep moving forward no matter how hard it seems and no matter how bad we want to quit and give up.

Lastly, (if you've read this far dearest friend, wow, you have no life...just kidding, I really appreciate your time) I have personally experienced Jesus doing MIRACLES OF THE IMPOSSIBLE in my own life...Wither it be completely healing me from my life threatening illness on my death bed at the age of 10 and blessing me with 11 more years of life, healing from a depression and suicidal thoughts so deep only He could have rescued and restored me in the end, to going to Steiger Missions School and meeting so many wonderful people, to simply every person I have ever met in my life and gotten to share my heart and story with them,  and I would say the greatest miracle of all was moving back to Lietuva to start my music ministry passion............

So with these thoughts, I pray that you would find the strength dearest friend, to keep seeking God's heart for His vision for your life, and KNOW that He is FAITHFUL, and in His perfect timing, He will come through and shine His glory down up you....<3

It Was Worth It

As I look back on my life at how God has carried me through,
I can't help but stand in amazement,
and shed a single tear of gratefulness,
I look at those moments of suffering,
and in that time of my life when in hurt so bad,
I wanted to give up, and quit,
because the pain of this life was simply too much,
I fall to my knees and just cry at how God gave me the strength to rise above it,
to persevere through the hardest hells,
and to arise from the beauty of ashes,
somehow....still alive,
It was worth it.....
It's those moments when you realize God has blessed your faithfulness,
those small unforgettable moments of His glory,
were worth all those years of suffering,
SO  WORTH IT,
SO WORTH IT,
just to be alive to see His heart,
His soul,
His smile,
His hope for your people,
AWAKEN,
it's those moments,
you meet that dear soul,
that otherwise you wouldn't have met,
if you would have given up hope,
and then you realize why God told you to hold on to His heart for so long,
and your realize,
IT WAS SO WORTH IT,
For those moments that anyone has ever laughed or judged you,
for going out of your way to love them,
they spit in your face over your passions, visions, dreams,
they mock you, reject you, even lost friendships arise,
For the sake of bearing Jesus name,
IT was worth the rejection,
IT WAS SO WORTH IT.
I just stand here and cry at the beauty,
at Jesus beauty,
that He has let me live to experience,
it's too wonderful for words,
never will I forget such moments,
and never will I forget that look of gleaming hope,
in his hazel brown eyes,
that I thought was impossible to even exist,
It. Was.Worth. It. 

The Day I Kissed Worship Music Goodbye

I don't recall the last time my spirit soared
The last time I felt free
the last time the smile on my face wasn't forced
the last time my tears will real
and came from the honesty of my heart........

It's hard to exactly explain what happened, God knows why...exactly, word for word, melody line for melody line, lyric for lyric.......I would say it gradually started to build over the past couple years of my life.....the more I immersed myself with ministry and missions in Europe....the cries of my heart kept getting stronger and stronger....louder and louder and more desperate with each plea.

As I saw broken humanity all around me, looking into their beautifully lost eyes, each precious soul, each unique and original story, something in my heart was so deeply touched, ever so deeply moved in a way that can never be altered...

My desire for my people to know Jesus became SO GREAT and SO REAL, I couldn't merely sing a reflective worship song, and hope they would hear but rather I wanted to SCREAM about Jesus' love for them. Not the kind of screaming that frightens or discomforts, but rather a passionately loving scream within the desperate aching of my own heart and soul for my people to know Jesus for who He truly is......

And one day I simply woke up, and from that day forward the screaming never stopped. The desperation didn't cease.....

I look back over my life, and smile gratefully at the place my dearest Jesus has brought me too. This wasn't an over night musical/spiritual process, but rather evidence of my walk with Jesus that He was changing my heart for the past 10 years......I look at what it took to get to this place of  screaming and metal core, and it's such a treasure to me....so precious....so priceless....

I still do enjoy a nice reflective worship song here and there....but I would say that was more of who I was between the ages of 8-18.......to say that this is who I am now would be a lie.......I will forever appreciate that sweet season of my life that God let me musically experience, but for now my musical cries, or shall I say screams, are now drowning in a see of metal core...ever so lovely.....ever so passionate...ever so deep......ever so desperate......for a Jesus, for a God who I desire everyone to know. <3