What They Said

They said sit 

I danced

They said scientific English 

I wrote creative 

They said be silent 

I screamed 

They said this wall will remain blank white 

I painted it the colors of the Baltic Sea sunset 

They said conform

I stood out 

They said give up it's no use

I pursued it with relentless passion

They said be normal 

I told them I would rather die than disown the heart and soul of who I am 

The Heart Song

I stood on an expansive dirt hill overlooking Przystanek Woodstock (also known as Polish Woodstock). It was late evening, and I was lost in a sea of dreadlocks, tattoos, ear gauges and the punk rock/ metal artistic craziness of over one million people. I found myself in the evangelistic adventure of a lifetime, near the small southern village of Kostrzyn nad Odrą.

 I carried Ruslana Evelyn (my guitar) and started walking with a few of my friends from my missions school at the early hour of 1 in the morning. I  thought to myself, “What could I possibly be doing at this questionable time on the streets of Woodstock?”   We trudged through roads that were drowning in putrid garbage and every sin imaginable while the smell of cigarette smoke floated in the air like a piercing fog into our eyes.

We arrived at the northern most part of the festival and there I saw of group of fifteen young people sitting in a circle laughing, the aroma of pot and alcohol hung like an old forgotten curtain.  I was too tired to speak with them. I merely and passively walked by.  Then one of the young Polish men noticed I had a guitar and asked, “Cześć, would you like to come hang out with my friends and I?”  At first I was hesitant, and then agreed to do so. Everyone wanted me to play a song, and so the first one to come to my mind was Pasaulio Švesia (Here I Am To Worship). I had no idea why God wanted me to sing this song ( I was very new and afraid with my music evangelism at the time) and especially at this unexpected hour.

Nevertheless, I let this sweet melody drift into the calm starry Polish night sky. Afterwards, I looked up and the same young man who invited me to play had tears in his eyes. He expressed thoughtfully, “Your song really touched my heart.” It was truly an unforgettable precious moment. 

There are many people in the world who are waiting to be inspired by your heart’s song. Will you find the boldness to share your story? 

The Outcast

I know your pain

One morning I woke up and I realized I never wanted to be like you (society) EVER. 

I would rather die than disown the heart and soul of who I am. 

I know that feeling of looking into the eyes of your own flesh and blood and all you receive back is a blank stare of judgement. 

Been there done that one too many times. 

Why be the same when you can be different? 

A life of conformity, trapped in a box, a filthy rat cage, 

Didn't you ever dream of something more? Or did you assume that what you saw with your own eyes was all that there was?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I was walking the dark streets several evenings ago, this thought finally resonated with my heart,  I truly, deeply understand what it"s like to be you. I walked in your shoes. For those of you who feel outcasted by society, you are not alone, I promise you. I would like to take the time to thank those of you. From the bottom of my heart thank you for being willing to stand strong in what you believed in, even when the society around you laughed at you, insulted you, mocked you, rejected you, spit in your face, called you stupid, called you a loser, and said that you were too radical, too bold, too creatively different for Jesus with your passions, visions, and dreams. It is because of you I stand here today with relentless eternal burning passion and fire in my eyes for God"s glory. In those moments you felt embarrassed to be "different" and thought your efforts were meaningless, futile, and in vain, they were not, I was watching you. You may not have directly noticed, but I was. Thank you for taking up your cross every single day in and day out  even though it was painful and I know you cried endless tears during this process. Thank you for setting such a phenomenal example of what it means to die to yourself and love those who seem impossible to love. Thank you for immersing yourself in the holy presence of Yeshua in such a way that it was clearly and visibly noticed in every breath you breathed, every word prayed, every lyric sung, every note strummed, every smile, every hug, every conversation, the essence an aroma of your life pointed straight to the Passion of the Cross of our dearest Savior....thank you. It is someone special like you, who truly impacted and changed the world for the better by portraying your beautiful heart like the colors of a Baltic sunset...

I would rather die an outcast and have COMPLETELY experienced the true love of Jesus, than to be eternally trapped in a filthy rat cage of conformity. 

Your Beautiful Soul

Why does my soul say to itself, 

I already know you before I met you? 

One day you"ll look back and see that the blessing you ignored standing eternally in front of your face, as the waves of this life washed by, was your greatest answered prayer in disguise. You"ll probably have regret in your heart, as will I, but truly what is the meaning of this life, if all it ever came was to this? 

Why do I prejudge situations I've never been in? Assuming I know everything, but as I talk to you I realized I knew nothing at all, now I realize your beautiful soul,

And oh, how I was so close to missing it! 

 

I saw you standing there, smiling so full of energy, life and adventure, the relentless passion in your eyes. I used to be like that once. It's the ghost that haunts me everyday I wake up. I pray that my curiosity and yours is never lost, that we would keep our hearts always open. 

That Awkward Moment of Life You're in Eastern Europe 2014 Part 1

To start of this beautiful new year, I thought I would dedicate a blog post to supposed  awkward/funny moments of 2014. You may be wondering, why in the world do you share your awkward life moments for the public eye to see? Well, first  and foremost of all, I truly believe there needs to be more laughter in this world, so I thought I would contribute in a "unique" way. The following you are about to read actually happened, (yeah, you're probably thinking, wow, this girl is SO strange, just when I thought my life was crazy...." So I hope to put a smile to your face, and a laugh to your soul!


That awkward moment of life you're walking the streets of this beautiful life and these 12 young Lithuanian men surround you in a circle. You look to the heaven's and your like Jesus, KODEL? Why do young European men always seem to follow me? What did I do to deserve this torture? Then one of them explains how it is his bachelor's party and he has this task list he must complete, and I can either buy candy from him, give him my number and pretend to be his girlfriend, or kiss him. I roll my eyes and say I would rather do none of those things, then he pleads, almost on his knees, and so you choose the most scandalously adventurous option...you kiss a random young Lithuanian man on the cheek, and his friend takes a picture. And you're thinking to yourself....if all young Lithuanian men are like this....my dear God of heaven...I am SO DONE with that genre of man..... ;) (Pretty much have said this about every European man genre # let's.be.honest.) (this pretty much almost tops the Polish proposal awkward moment of 2013)

That awkward moment you decide to carry toilet paper (without a plastic bag to cover it) in public. # LOUD.n.PROUD. # bad.ASS.

That funny moment of life you're listening to this speaker and she says, "In my American life I did this.......in my Lithuanian life I did that....." and you just burst out in laughter, and no one else in the room is laughing, and you're thinking to yourself....STORY OF MY LIFE. then you start pacing your room and you're like:
In my AMERICAN life......I listened to that cute Hillsong/Chris Tomlin music,
In my LITHUANIAN life ...I SCREAMED METAL music down the streets of this life like YEAH,
In my American life, I liked European guys,
In my Lithuanian life, I think I actually prefer the American genre,
In my American life, I had crazy punk rocker hair, painted my nails, pierced my ears,
In my Lithuanian life, I had even more crazy back brushed rat's nest dreadlock infested punk rock metal  hair, created holes in my ears and got a tattoo,
In my American life I was known as the gangster, "ICE TEA" "LIPTON" cause that culture could not say the "ė" sound.
In my Lithuanian life I was known as "Aistė".
In my American life people would walk over to me and start speaking Russian or Polish and I would be like "YA LITOVKA". # deceptive.eastern.euro.facial.features.
In my Lithuanian life, people would walk over to me and start speaking Lithuanian..(DUH.) .and occasionally still Russian.
In my American life, I walked the ghetto hood  city streets of Minneapolis ( population 2 million) at 1AM....by myself
In my Lithuanian life, I walked the streets of Polish Woodstock in the afternoon.....by myself.....and the sketchy dark streets of Klaipėda late at night...by myself...

and you're thinking to yourself AHMEN to "the art of living a double cultured life." I understand....truly...

That funny moment of life you're at this pizza restaurant with some of your friends, and two of your American bros, they notice you are wearing 4 rings on your fingers. They ask what those rings mean. You tell them you are married to a European, Russian, African and someone from Antarctica, they look at you like "Seriously? you must be joking!" You laugh slightly and explain how in Eastern Europe it's ever so normal to do such things. # Lithuanian.culture.shock.

That awkward moment of life one of your students is staring at you. You then give him your "Lietuvė death stare" (For those of you who know what that is, I assure if you've experienced it, you will have nightmares before you fall asleep) and he then whispers to his friend, probably like, "OMG, that teacher, she was like staring at me".

That moment of life you introduce yourself to the class, and you're like "Labas, my name is Aistė, I'm Lithuanian-American", and they look at you like, "what the hell, that cannot be possible!  How can you be two nationalities at once?" and you smile and think to yourself, "Ahmen.....Taip. that genre of woman EXISTS."

That funny moment of life you are talking with a friend during the Christmas program, and one of your Theology professor's walks over. Your friend explains how your are talking about Christian metal music, and your professor proceeds to banging his head like a metalist, and you look to the sky, and you think to yourself, "Ahmen, Jesus I waited my whole life to witness this moment".

That moment of life you link arms with your dearest Ukrainian sister at the Christmas market skipping happily around and you explain to her that you are wildly artistic with no practicality, and she explains how she is practical. and you say how you both should start a business which features metal wine red lipstick, you know combining the artistic and the practical.... ;)

That random moment of life you are standing outside of Loftas after the Skillet concert in Vilnius and this young Lithuanian man taps you almost under the armpit, smiles, winks, and disappears into the Lithuanian miškas. You're assuming he probably liked your tattoo, then you make a joke with your friends, how in America the young men tap women on the shoulders....but in Europe...the young European man.....taps women near the armpit....very culturally fitting. ;) AHMEN. what I expected from day one. # true.character.revealed.

That haunting poetic of life  moment you scream the Russian song "My Heart" down the hallway.

That awkward moment of life you eat ice cream in the middle of winter IN LITHUANIAN PUBLIC.

That funny moment of life you walk into a coffeeshop, and you forget to turn off your metal music on your iphone, and the barista  gives you that look "are you serious, someone as vintage as you with wine red lipstick and curly hair listens to THAT music?" and you smile and roll your eyes and think....LOOKS can be quite deceiving. I am a vintage metalist. My own hipster metal style....

That awkward moment of life you walk barefoot IN LITHUANIAN PUBLIC.

That moment of life, people won't stop knocking on your door and you loudly say, "The NEXT young LCC man to knock on my door, I WILL PUT YOU IN A CARDBOARD BOX, DUCK TAPE IT, AND SHIP YOU TO SIBERIA ETERNALLY!!!". Then the knocking stops. # woman.power.

(to be continued........)